I am writing this on Mother’s Day. I read an article on Mother’s Day that spoke about the woman that conceived Mother’s Day. Her name was Anna Jarvis. Anna’s mother, Ann Reeves Jarvis, had organized women’s groups to promote friendship and health as well as give classes to mothers. The classes centered around mothering. Cooking, cleaning, and most of all keeping your children healthy. Ann gave birth to 13 children. However only 4 survived childhood. Over time Anna started Mother’s Day to honor her mother for her sacrifices to motherhood and the sacrifices of all mothers. Anna later grew to hate the holiday, as it became commercialized.

One thing I wanted to ask you all; What do you do when the flowers die? You will be reading this at least one day after Mother’s Day. Every year mothers around the nation are woke up with breakfast in bed, fresh flowers, candy, and while children are young, a unique hand made card or craft. As children age they either begin to purchase more expensive gifts or stop caring all together. I recognize that this is not what happens to all mothers. Many mothers wake up to another May morning. Another morning of getting up to take care of a family that just assumes you will do your “mom” duties. After all, they still have to eat. Many single moms get up alone and have no one in the home to teach their children to admire and lush over them. Many moms wake up to grief. Grief of a lost child. Grief of an empty womb. Grief of a strained relationship with their mother. Grief of a strained relationship with their child. Grief of a passed mother. Grief from abandonment. My heart is with those who wake up with grief. I think I wake up with this on Mother’s Day because I am an empath. If you cry in front of me, I will cry. I cried twice today just because I saw two other women cry at church and my heart hurt for them.

            So, I am wondering, what do you do when the flowers die? Or for some when the flowers never come? All fresh flowers given as a gift will die. Chocolates will get eaten. Hand made cards will get tucked away in a random drawer and kept for years. When all the frills and fluff of Mother’s Day celebrations are over, what do you do? Also, if the celebration doesn’t come… what do you do?

            You will be asked to return to the grind. You will be asked about laundry, game schedules, bills, dinner plans, carpool, new shoes, pto meetings, bible studies… the list goes on and on. It literally never ends. Your moment to shine is over. If you have lived in motherhood grief, you are expected to “move on”. The day has passed. What many don’t understand is that motherhood and motherhood grief never ends. At least not here on Earth.

            I have recently been very motivated by the verse from Proverbs 31:27, She watches over the affairs of her household and does not eat the bread of idleness. I have been very mindful of my idleness. I have watched videos from Amy Darley. She makes videos of herself cleaning her house and gives cleaning tips. I find the videos very motivating for me. I watch one before I go to bed and it motivates me to get up early and clean some stuff up. She is a Christian woman who also motivates people to look to Christ. I am always looking for motivation. I walk daily through anxiety and depression, so motivation is something that I always need.

            I wanted to write this to motivate yall. To motivate you for when the flowers die. When your family is over the celebration of your sacrifices and just need more from you. I want to encourage you to run the race marked out for you. I want to motivate you to not grow weary of doing good. I want to motivate you to persevere under trial. (all of these things are in the Word) The only way that we can continue to walk through motherhood and motherhood grief is by remaining in Christ. By spending time in the Word every day, we can find the strength to walk through motherhood and through motherhood grief. The two of which are not mutually exclusive. I am not saying that being in the Word makes motherhood or grief easy. I am only saying that it makes it possible. I know that I am not the mother the Lord wants me to be when I don’t spend time with him. I can, however, strive daily to emulate the motherly example he lays out for us in the Word.

            We have been given one great example of motherhood straight from Mary. She chose to trust God’s plan for her conception. She protected him from Herod’s reign and slaughter. She received encouragement from Simeon. She misplaced her son during a yearly Passover trip. She showed him grace when she found him. She showed her friends his miracles. Then she stood by and trusted God while her son fulfilled God’s will on the cross. A pain I can only imagine. By all historical accounts, Mary lived 11 years after her son’s torturous death. An 11 years that I speculate were hard.  

My question remains… What do you do when the flowers die? Do you remain in the peace of the Lord? Do you remain joyful of the heritage the Lord has bestowed on you? Do your mercies renew every morning? Do you strive to walk through your grief?

Or…

Do you lose all grace for your children? Do you stress over the mundane mom tasks? Do you allow your grief to keep you from living your life?

Either way, I have no judgement for you. I have done ALL of these. My only hope is that you are encouraged to cling close to the Lord.

I pray this finds you well as I have taken three weeks off from writing to get healthy.

Grace & Peace

-Chorley