I was not raised to be submissive or subservient. I was raised by a very feminist mother. The Lord was not prevalent in our home. Not because of feminism. These are just two separate facts but I think that they go hand in hand.

My grandma was a submissive woman. She would get up early every morning and make my grandpa breakfast before he would leave to work at the family body shop. She would take care of house chores, balance the shop books, or run errands. Then she would make sure to have a big, in my opinion, lunch on the table for my grandpa around noon. Correction, a dinner. Where I grew up the mid-day meal is called dinner. Lunch is for fancy people. I cant remember what the main course was. However, I do remember there was often a cucumber and onion salad, or yellow squash and potatoes cooked in cornmeal. My grandma, Geneva, and her five siblings were raised by a one-armed widow. My great grandmother “Mother” came from Missouria-Osage mixed breed Indians and Irish immigrants that had settled in the Appalachian Mountains. Most Missouria descendants still call the state Missoura’ Our Irish side that came over, were not slaves so much as indentured servants working off their boat ticket. No royal blood here. My grandma married my grandpa before her 18^th birthday. After facing the Dust bowl and the great depression, my great grandfather died in a farming “accident”. I think this is important to note because Geneva was never shown how a marriage should work. She was never shown a good example of love between a husband and wife.

My grandpa was an orphan. In 1934 there was a funeral for the notorious Pretty Boy Floyd. It is said that between 10,000-40,000 people were in attendance. When the police finally got the crown to disperse and leave by nightfall, My grandfather was left abandoned. No one came forward to claim the infant, so he was put up for adoption. He was raised as Calvin Kernell. I loved my grandfather. He taught me how to work on cars and fish. He encouraged me to join the Army while my grandmother discouraged me. What I didn’t know as a child is that he had been a raging alcoholic most of his life. The alcohol lead him to be a mean abusive husband and father.

Knowing what I know now about the early life of my grandparents… I wondered how their marriage worked. I wondered how a woman could love and serve a man who was hateful and abusive for so many years. This showed me so much about my mother as well. She grew up watching her mother be submissive and serve a husband who did not deserve her. This type of trauma as a child will usually have a direct impact on intimate relationships later in life.

I walk with women through the process of Disciple making. I pour into them and teach them what the word says about different situations in their life. Most of you know this. One of the biggest things (One of!) I teach them is that they are to submit to their husband. The first time I ever heard the Bible taught that… I was appalled. I wanted nothing to do with it. I didn’t want to submit to anything, let alone a man. I was a strong independent woman! I was fully capable! I didn’t NEED a man, and I didn’t WANT to submit to him.

I am not going to write out all of the verses that tell a wife to submit to her husband. All you have to do to find them is google: Scripture about submitting to your husband. You will find plenty. I do want to highlight a couple.

Likewise, wives, be subject to your own husbands, so that even if some do not obey the word, they may be won without a word by the conduct of their wives, when they see your respectful and pure conduct. Do not let your adorning be external—the braiding of hair and the putting on of gold jewelry, or the clothing you wear— but let your adorning be the hidden person of the heart with the imperishable beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which in God’s sight is very precious. For this is how the holy women who hoped in God used to adorn themselves, by submitting to their own husbands, … 1 Peter 3:1-22 ESV

Wives, submit to your own husbands, as to the Lord. For the husband is the head of the wife even as Christ is the head of the church, his body, and is himself its Savior. Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit in everything to their husbands. Husbands, love your wives, as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her, that he might sanctify her, having cleansed her by the washing of water with the word, …  Ephesians 5:22-33 ESV

My grandma knew the word and she was faithful to her convictions about submitting to my grandpa. I spent a week at my grandpa’s deathbed with my mother. He was slowly becoming less and less. The doctors gave him three weeks. The week that my mother and I were there, my grandpa talked to us both whenever he was awake. He knew my mother was his daughter. However, he believed that I was my grandma. My grandma who had already passed. I admit, I do look remarkably similar to my grandma. I also didn’t want to repeatedly tell a dying man that his wife had passed away. We had a few talks about how the dogs were and how the shop was doing. The one conversation that will always stick with me was when he made a confession. He looked at me and said, “Geneva, Thank you for…(then he just cried)”. The only thing I could muster myself to say was, “Oh, Calvin” Which is something my grandma would often say when my grandpa was rambling on about random things he felt was important. In that moment I saw that he had been won over. Not with my actions that week. No. He had been won over by years of my grandmother submitting to him and loving him well. No matter what, she loved him and submitted. I am not encouraging women to stay in abusive relationships or leave. I am not saying that you become a yes man or a doormat. I am only saying that I have witnessed how a woman who was never shown how a healthy marriage should go, was able to read what the word says and walk it out the best she could under the hardest circumstances. It took me years to really understand the whole situation. She inadvertently modeled this well for me and I will always be grateful. I do want to testify that my submission to my husband, has moved his heart in amazing ways and has never once demeaned me or made me feel less than.

Married?

-Do you submit to your husband? (if no, why not?)

-Do you understand what biblical submission is?

Single?

-Is the person you are dating worthy of submitting to?

Grace & Peace

-Chorley

P.S.

I will be updating my store this week with pictures of new shirts. I will also be updating the resources page to add a link to a free newsletter that my friend Lindsay Dryer sends out via email once a month to subscribers. I hope to have this stuff done by the end of the week. As always I love you guys and thank you for taking time out of your week to read this. If you have any questions, please send me a message. I appreciate all the “shares, comments, and likes”.