Tag: woman of valor

My Battle Buddy

.Reading time 13 minutes.

I can honestly say that my husband is my best friend. The story of how we became a couple is often shared with many laughs. We met in the Army. We married in August of 2005 after dating for 6 months. I proposed on the balcony of my barracks room. He said no. A week later he asked me why I had been moody all week. When I revealed that he hurt my feelings when he told me no… he just said, “ I didn’t know you were serious. Let’s get married tomorrow”. So, we did. Here we are 15 years later, and I am more in love with him now than ever. Growing up I didn’t get to witness many healthy marriages. I was raised to be independent and strong. I was raised to be more like Joan of Arc than Jackie Kennedy. I viewed women like Jackie Kennedy as enslaved women who had no idea how powerful they could be if they weren’t held back by their husbands. I had truly little knowledge of the fact that Jackie Kennedy was behind many top secret moves in Washington and even continued nuclear peace talks with the Soviet Premier just days after her husband’s assassination. What we see about others is just that, our view.

Most of our marriage has been me doing what I want and my husband just accepting it. I wanted to marry, so he did. I got called to leave our support company to join an infantry platoon in Iraq, he kissed me good bye and we spoke when we could. I wanted a child, and Calvin came. I wanted another child, and then came Micah.  I wanted to move to Oklahoma after retirement, he packed our house up. Every house that we have bought, I have picked out. Every child I have named what I wanted. Now that I start listing things… I look super demanding. The reality is that My husband is very agreeable and often agrees with me on most things. I know his agreeableness is usually out of love. When I left our support company, he knew what that meant. It meant I would hardly ever get to see him. It meant I would be in more danger. He knew I would be one female in a company of 150 men. He knew I would have to put up with harassment and death threats. It also meant I would finally have the job that I had fought for. It would open me up for a promotion. More importantly, it would open doors for other women. How all that went, I will save for another day. He knew the desires of my heart and he supported me. We were both Non-Commissioned Officers leading Soldiers. We often shared different weapons techniques and drills. We shared different training and leadership information. After missions I would share stories about different fire fights we were in or different high value targets we caught or what bombs we found. He would share what blown up vehicles he had to tow, or how he got blown up, or a thirty minute mission turned into three days and he survived on Dr. Pepper. We had similar experiences that bonded us. It was a weird bond because while I tell him the fire fight was fun, he knows I mean I was scared I would never see him again. I never had to say it. We were in the same fight. He is my battle buddy.

Church can either give me hope or sorrow. Most Sunday mornings I get up between seven and eight. I get our kids up and tell them to start getting dressed and ready for church. I get myself ready and the four of us head out the door. We are usually home by 1 and I spend the rest of the day with my husband. He usually works on his truck or our property while the kids and I are at church. I process the sermon and double check the pastors words against the Word alone after church. We don’t discuss How I repent and worship on my knees or how I beg the Lord to put a new spirit in him.  I go to different Discipleship conferences and events through the year. I usually go with another group of people that I dearly love. The group usually consists of other couples and a few single women. When I get home and I see my best friend sitting there, we discuss places I visited or food I ate. We almost never discuss the depth of the things I was doing while gone. We never discuss that I cried on my knees again for him to know Jesus. We don’t discuss how lonely I feel in a crowded room without him. We don’t discuss how I go to events alone and drive home alone. We don’t discuss that I long for him to pray over me. We don’t discuss that I desire for him to wash me with the Word. I sit with the Lord daily and totally find amazing things in the Word that are life changing and so amazing that it is unreal and mind blowing that I would love to share with him. I would love that. I would love to hear him talk about the Lord. I would love to know what the Lord is teaching him. I would love to hear how he is laying his life down to share the Gospel with others. But we don’t discuss that.

The words tells us,  14Do not be unequally yoked with unbelievers. For what partnership has righteousness with lawlessness? Or what fellowship has light with darkness? 15What accord has Christ with Belial? Or what portion does a believer share with an unbeliever? 16What agreement has the temple of God with idols? For we are the temple of the living God; as God said,“I will make my dwelling among them and walk among them, and I will be their God,
and they shall be my people. 17Therefore go out from their midst, and be separate from them, says the Lord, and touch no unclean thing; then I will welcome you, 18and I will be a father to you, and you shall be sons and daughters to me, says the Lord Almighty.” (2 Cor 6:14-18)

When you yoke animals together, you join two animals that can share a load of work together. They walk side by side and share the total weight of a load. When one animal gets tired it does a little more work for a while. Then, the rested animal can carry some of the over worked animal’s load. It is an amazing partnership. However, when one is unequally yoked… one is always doing more work on their own. They carry a load they are not meant to carry. If one animal is continuously over worked, it often gets injured easier and dies earlier.

I know that I am unequally yoked. I don’t plan on unyoking myself from my husband.  7‘Therefore a man shall leave his father and mother and hold fast to his wife, 8and the two shall become one flesh.’ So they are no longer two but one flesh. 9What therefore God has joined together, let not man separate.”  Mark 10:7-9.  I once had a spiritual brother tell me that he was my partner in ministry. I didn’t have the heart to tell him that I was not, nor would I ever be his ministry partner. No man can be my ministry partner. I don’t believe a woman can be either. I am married and the Lord has reserved my husband for that. He is my battle buddy. I know that I will always choose my husband over my sisters in Christ. I hold fast to the Hope that My husband will walk with the Lord one day. Because I have that hope, I will not give away his spot. I know that the Word says,  1Likewise, wives, be subject to your own husbands, so that even if some do not obey the word, they may be won without a word by the conduct of their wives, 2when they see your respectful and pure conduct. 1 Peter 3:1-2. He may be won over without word by my conduct. by my respect. by my pure conduct. by my love.

I can only speak from my view, but I suspect that there are a whole set of other struggles for the women who are unmarried. The women who have no man leading them in any part of life. The women who also come alone. The women who have no one to lay in bed with and talk about how they saw the Kingdom move today. The women of Tabitha’s upper room. I am not saying that Jesus is not enough for them. I am just saying that their struggles are different and very real. My heart feels an extra beat for them.

Whether you are unequally yoked or not yoked at all… What do you do when you are running low on Hope? How do you remind yourself that the Lord’s yoke is easy when things feel hard?

If you are walking with someone unequally yoked or unyoked… Do you really try to understand their position? How do you show them compassion, empathy, and love?

Grace & Peace

Chorley

Walking with Compassion

.Reading time 7 minutes.

Hello all! It is cold here in Oklahoma. Oklahoma doesn’t usually get to -7. I hope all of you are staying nice and warm. This unusual weather that we are experiencing has me thinking a lot about those that are out in this weather. I am not talking about the linemen, the ranchers or the first responders. I am talking about the roughly 4000 homeless that are in Oklahoma. The ones that have to rely on places like the Homeless Alliance. I am also talking about some of the 750,000 elderly. Many of whom have no one to go get them supplies. I am also thinking about the 168,000 single parents that are solely responsible for keeping their children warm and fed. Currently, 594,140 people in Oklahoma struggle with hunger. 208,110 of those are children. If you think you are a Disciple of Jesus and none of this is your problem, you are wrong.

            “Him who strengthens me.”

If we take a minute to look at the Disciples and the lives that they lived, we see people who were shepherds. Jesus and his disciples fed thousands and thousands of people in the span of just three years. If I made my family a meal 3 times a day, 7 days a week, 52 weeks a year for 3 years, for the 5 of us that would be 16,380 meals. We look at the number of people the Disciples fed, and we are in awe of their selflessness and the miracles of being able to feed that many people. But… How often do we grumble at even having to make dinner a few nights a week for our husbands and children? I don’t say this to shame you. Believe that I am the first to raise my hand and say that I have grumbled. I have grumbled a lot. In my grumbling my husband has shown me grace. My husband who goes to work five days a week for 12-15 hours every day in all weather, shows me grace in my grumbling. The word tells me:

She rises while it is yet night
and provides food for her household
and portions for her maidens.

Lord continue to change me. Continue to change my mind. Continue to change my heart.

“Him who strengthens me”

In Mark 6:30-44 we read about the Disciples feeding 5000 men. The word tells us that Jesus saw a great crowd and had compassion on them because they were like sheep without a shepherd.  The disciples came to Jesus when it got late and told him to send them off to buy themselves something to eat. Jesus response was, “You give them something to eat”. The word does not tell us if these men had the ability to fend for themselves. It does say that the Disciples were going to tell them to buy food for themselves. If I were an assuming woman, I might assume that they may have had the ability to acquire food. Regardless, Jesus said, “You give them something to eat”. If we look further into Mark, Mark 8:1-10, we see once again that Jesus had compassion on the crowd. This time he had spent some time with these men and did not want to send them home hungry for fear of them fainting. So, he said, “feed them in this desolate place”.

When we look at the Greek of this word compassion we find the word “splagchnizomai”. Splagchnizomai: to be moved in the inward parts, to feel compassion – “from splanxna, ‘the inward parts,’ especially the nobler entrails – the heart, lungs, liver, and kidneys. These gradually came to denote the seat of the affections.

Deep down in his inner most being he was moved to care for people. He modeled this for his Disciples. We know that this was successfully modeled for his disciples because we see the Disciples follow this example in Acts 6. The Disciples were informed of a need and they appointed people to fill the need.

            My life has not been easy, but I have survived. I have not always had all I wanted but by still being alive, I have had all I needed. I was reminded of Paul’s words to the Philippians.

            I know how to be brought low, and I know how to abound. In any and every circumstance, I have learned the secret of facing plenty and hunger, abundance and need.

I have recently asked myself a couple questions and I encourage you to ask yourself these questions.

Do I praise his name when I am brought low? Do I praise his name when I abound? When I am given plenty and I have abundance, am I showing compassion and generosity to others that have hunger and need? This hunger and need could be spiritual or physical. When I have hunger and need, do I seek that which gives what I need? Do I truly walk as a Disciple?

“Him who strengthens me.”

Remember that compassion and generosity is not meant to make you feel better. It is meant to make others feel better. It pleases the Lord. “By this all people will know that you are my disciples, if you have love for one another.” I pray you find your hands useful.

”She opens her hand to the poor and reaches out her hands to the needy.”

As Always,

Grace & Peace

-Chorley