The first conference that I ever went to for Discipleship was at the Discipleship.org conference in Nashville. The trip was one to remember. There were two 15 passenger vans full of people that were currently walking in Discipleship relationships. The men were walking with our Pastor and the women were walking with his (the Pastor’s) wife. We got in the vans in Harrah Oklahoma at 6am and arrived in Nashville that evening. We got to stay at a Hostile right in the middle of Nashville over off Broadway. The Hostile was a great place that allowed us to have conversations with people that we wouldn’t normally get to, had we been at an AirBnB.
The main speakers at the conference included Robert Coleman, Jim Putman, Bill Hull, and many other very qualified disciple makers. The main speakers had great things to say that were rooted in truth and rooted in the Word. Not every other speaker in the breakout sessions were that way. I quietly walked out of a couple breakout sessions because things were said that I did not believe lined up with the Word. I did not seek anyone out to inform them of the fallacies that were shared. I did not find that to be a fruitful endeavor. I did what I do with many things I read, watch, or listen to; I kept the good and I tossed the rest.
The things that I witnessed about the convention, was that the most fruitful part of the conference was not necessarily the speakers, the book vendors, or the snacks. The most fruitful thing that I took away from the conference was the one-on-one conversations about Jesus. I was able to partake in these conversations and watch others do the same thing. The unfortunate situation with having so many breakout sessions is that it is impossible for an attendee to hear every speaker and teaching.
Conferences don’t always seem like they fit into ministry, church, or discipleship. One thing that I know is that Jesus did not meet his Disciples at the temple. He met them in life and at events. We read in Luke 5 that Jesus healed a paralytic while he was preaching to a crowd, that was again, not at the temple. We read in Luke 6 that Jesus came down from the mountain to a great crowd and choose his disciples. We read in John 4 that Jesus met a woman at a well to give her the good news. Over and over, we see Jesus doing more Kingdom work outside of the temple. Is that the model that we should be following? Yes.
Mission is so important to ministry. If we are not engaging in mission, are we just building a kingdom with walls around it? We were never meant to come to church once a week to worship God. We were made to worship God. (if you didn’t notice, there was a period at the end of that sentence) It is possible to worship God at church, at home, at school, at work, in the car, at the store, and even at a conference. Our worship does not stop when we walk out the doors on Sunday. We were also never told to only find fellow believers at the temple. The word tells us “Go into all the world and proclaim the Gospel to the whole creation”. The key word here is GO.
I walk with women. I pour into other women daily. I also have amazing women around me that pour into me. I always have the thought in the back of my mind, “other women need this”. I know many women who don’t have anyone pouring into them. This creates a dull pain in my heart for them. They don’t know how sweet an intimate(not sexual) relationship with other women who love Jesus can be. I have recently been in Hebrews 10.
And let us consider how to stir up one another to love and good works, not neglecting to meet together as is the habit of some, but encouraging one another and all the more as you see the Day drawing near. Hebrews 10:24-25.
Every time I have been in small groups talking about Jesus or big conferences talking about Jesus, the one thing that I always hear is, I left so encouraged. I believe in relational Discipleship. However, I also believe in getting together in big groups to speak with people who don’t necessarily believe the way we do or have the same tools that we do. This fosters cross pollination. I love learning from other women. I hear a lot of people say, we don’t speak from experience. However, that is not a hard fast rule. When I know someone is struggling to find their identity in Christ, I know what scripture to give them because I have experience in helping women with this. We read books from Disciple Makers because they are subject matter experts… from experience. Granted, it is often rooted in the word, it is still their experience. Sharing out experiences in disciple making and ministry can be encouraging to other women if we are focused on growth of the kingdom and spiritual growth.
Where we should see Deborahs, Priscillas and Phoebes sitting, there is often an empty chair. Hearing other women teach the Word is so nurturing to my soul. Women teaching is rarely something that happens in majority of churches. If this happened more, it could encourage other women to teach with all authority. If more women taught with all authority we would see more women Discipling with all authority. However, I urge you to walk with caution, humbleness, and always remembering the Glory of God above you.
Many of us just celebrated Rosh Hashanah. This is the Hebrew/ Jewish new year. This is also known as the Feast of trumpets. New year often comes with new goals and new hopes. It can be hard for some to blow the trumpet with joy when we think about the times we are living in.
The only thing that keeps me stable in these days of uncertainty is the absolute dependability of God’s Word. -Elizabeth Elliot
I wish I could say that most things in our world are running smooth and exactly how we want them to run. They are not. We have had a very trying couple of years. I wanted to share a few numbers with you.
Notable violence numbers from 2019: 2,983 Christians were killed for their faith 8,537 Christians were raped or sexually harassed for their faith 9,488 Churches or Christian buildings were attacked 3,711 Christians were unjustly arrested or imprisoned 1,052 Christians were abducted for faith-related reasons 3,315 Christian homes were attacked, burned or destroyed
Before you read any further… Pray.
We have these violent acts going around the whole world. I don’t have the answer for what you can do other than pray. The violence of this world is nothing new. People have been killing each other since Cain and Able. We can not look at these numbers and be surprised. Only a little over 30% of the worlds population is a Christian. Only about 65% of the US is Christian. That number is declining every year. These numbers should not scare you, but they should stir you. They should stir you to be in the Word so that you are also… prepared to make a defense to anyone who asks you for a reason for the hope that is in you.
I recently when through Ephesians 4 with the Family Life Assembly of God in Choctaw, OK. The whole chapter is so rich and gives a great playbook for the Christian. One thing that we discussed every night was that the first three chapters of the book are the why and the next three are the how. As in, why we are Christians and how we walk that out. The biggest things that we have to understand is that we can not begin to walk out out faith, if we don’t know why we have our faith. My friend Maria shared the biblical definition of faith with us; confidence in what we hope for and assurance about what we do not see. The only way that we can live in these trying times is by faith with hope. Not faith in a government to protect us and provide for us, but faith in our God to do that. Not hope that things will be how we want them to be and that we wont face trials and persecution, but Hope that Christ’s will be done in our lives.
One of the most powerful things that was ever told to the Hebrews that were being persecuted and were filled with righteous anger was; We have this as a sure and steadfast anchor of the soul, a hope that enters into the inner place behind the curtain, where Jesus has gone as a forerunner on our behalf, having become a high priest forever after the order of Melchizedek. When we have Christ as an anchor in our life, the storms and waves of the evil in this world don’t shift our faith. The frustrations of mundane daily tasks don’t distract us from the mission we are on.
What mission are you on?
Is your mission Christ centered?
What distractions from the enemy, stumbling blocks or briars of rebellion do you need to address?
Stand firm in your faith. Pray for the persecuted. Pray for those that persecute. Blow the trumpet of the Lord. Loudly!
This past month has come with a lot of highs and a lot of lows. I wish I could say that once you become a Disciple of Jesus everything becomes easy. Ha! That is just not the truth. There are still struggles for all of us. The difference is that a Disciple of Jesus knows that the Lord is perfect in our weakness. We also know that because our hope is in him and not in how we feel. I have had (diagnosed) PTSD since 2008. Through a series of life events my body decided to live in a hypervigilant state. This caused other medical issues. Then in 2018 I was diagnosed with fibromyalgia. This was a whole new set of medical issues. I don’t say this in a manner of woe me. It is quite the contrary. I say this as in I have this Hope that can not be shaken; even when my PTSD is making my brain unbalanced or when my body hurts too bad to sleep. We know that because our hope is in him and not in how we feel momentarily. One thing that I have learned through loosing many people I love; pain is relative and momentary.
Pain can be used to debilitate us or show the Glory of God. When I think about life struggles and pain I always think of Job. I think of him trying everything he can to minister to his children and then dying. I think about him loosing his home, his wealth, and everything that he once considered a blessing in his life. I think about those in his life that try to tell him that he has caused this suffering. I think about the doubt that those around him try to plant in his mind. I think about his wavering doubt. Well, what I read as a wavering doubt. THEN… I think of how God answered him. God did not just tell him what he wanted to hear. God also did not just reverse everything that had happened. God still answered him. I always have to ask myself; how does God answer me? He answers me in his Word. He tells me of his love for me in his Word. He comforts me in his Word. He shows me his power in his Word. He reminds me of pillars of faith that have been built from his Word. (…and the Word became flesh and dwelt among them.) I have to remind myself to not do as Adam did. I can not hide my nakedness from the Lord. I bring my nakedness to him, and he clothes me in his sacrifices.
I heard a preacher speak on prison gates this past weekend. I think he did a great job. Mainly because he stuck mostly to the Word. I respect that. He talked of Acts 16. I encourage you to go read it. (Don’t just assume I am correct!) In Acts 16 we read about the prisoners singing at midnight. When they sing the prison walls begin to shake and the gates are opened. I have read this before, but I don’t think my heart was really ready to hear it. When I heard it this weekend I just wept. I wept at the thought that those that cry out to the Lord will be freed.
Physical pain and mental health are real medical problems. I am not saying that when you cry out to the Lord you will no longer feel pain. I m not saying that when you cry out to the Lord you will no longer have mental health issues. What I am saying is that it is possible to still cry out to the Lord and sing his praises even when you are restrained by worldly circumstances.
Remember that these men were beaten and in pain. They did not sing praises to relieve the pain or open their gates. They sang praises to sing praises to the Lord! They also did not stop singing and run away the minute that the gates opened. Instead, they did the work of our Father. They witnessed of the Lord’s great power AND mercy. THEN the one that once stood guard outside their gate was transformed by the power of the Lord and washed their wounds.
What gates are holding you in?
Do you sing praises to sing praises to the Lord?
What wounds do you need washed?
Grace & Peace
Chorley
I pray this finds you well. Be sure to check out the new playlist on the home page. I will also be releasing a new shirt next week! Check out the shop!
This season of REST has been amazing. There were many times that I woke up and thought “ I have to write about that now before I forget!” However, I did not go write about it. I had sat with the Lord and came to the decision that if I was taking a season of rest, then I needed to take a break from the blog as well. This was hard for me because I do love writing. Taking a season of rest is not just a time to take a break from things you dislike or things that are draining you. It is a time to take a break from anything you can, so that you can spend more time with the Lord. I obviously can’t take a break from being a mom or wife… but I can take a break from pouring into other women, writing the blog, and any other ministry related things.
A big thing that the Lord had me sit in was organization. I have this joke that I say more often than I should; If the Lord made me in his image… he must be sarcastic. I say this as a complete joke. I have no clue if the Lord is sarcastic. Sometimes I wonder… but I don’t know. There are times when we can take scripture out of context. The verse that says, “ Let us make man in our image, after our likeness”, is often taken out of context. While it is true that he made man in his own image, that does not mean that the Lord made me sarcastic. I am sure that the fall of man, and years of childhood trauma have a big hand in my sarcastic abilities. I am going to drop a few scriptures at your feet and ask that you really sit with them.
So God created man in his own image, in the image of God he created him; male and female he created them. Genesis 1:27
This is how you are to make it, the length of the Ark 300 cubits, it’s breadth 50 cubits, and it’s height 30 cubits. Genesis 6:15
Where were you when I laid the foundation of the earth? Tell me if you have understanding. Who determined its measurements- surely you know! Or who stretched the line upon it? Job 38:4-5
Do not be conformed to this world but be transformed by the renewal of your mind that by testing you may discern what is the will of God, what is good and acceptable and perfect. Romans 12:2
For God is not a God of confusion but of peace. 1 Corinthians 14:33
She looks well to the ways of her household and does not eat the bread of idleness. Proverbs 31:27
I don’t talk about organization because I have it all figured out and I am a subject matter expert. I talk about organization because 1. It is biblical and 2. I need to work on it. I have a slight OCD about how things are cleaned and put away in my home. I often refuse cleaning help because when things are not done my way, I end up having to go back and redo it. If you look at these verses, you can see that 1. We are made in God’s image. 2. God is very organized. I am repeatedly asking myself if the traits that I have are Godly or Worldly. I can remember my children being late for school at least twice a week a few years ago. Over time I have been able to correct this bad habit. I have a few medical problems that team up and make going to bed at night very difficult. While I have these medical problems, I also have bad habits that make going to bed at a decent time, an irregular occurrence. My lack of self-discipline in this area has spilled onto other parts of my life. Such as getting my children out of bed in time to eat and get to school on time. If I am tired or oversleep in the morning, I won’t get a chance to sit in the Word before I wake up my children. Then I might also not have time to make them a nutritious breakfast, pack a nutritious lunch, talk to them with patience, make sure their teeth are brushed… make sure MY teeth are brushed and I am wearing a bra!
We can say all day, “God bless this hot mess”. But is a hot mess what we are really striving for? Let me say, that I am not trying to shame anyone for not having everything together! I know I don’t! (Jesus walk with me!)What I am saying is that while we appreciate that the lord blesses us even when we are a hot mess… That can not be the goal. The goal can not be to just barely get through every day. The goal can not be to get out of bed late and rush around and get our kids to school late and frustrated. The goal should be to work on being transformed more and more into the attributes that the Lord has laid out in his Word.
Over the season of rest, I have worked at becoming more organized and self-disciplined. I have purged bags and bags of clothing. I have thrown out things that I was saving for various projects. I have started projects that I was putting off. I have drastically cut back on the amount of tv time I am allowing myself. My next step is to commit to going to bed by 11pm, meal planning, grocery shopping before we are out of something, and turning off my phone by 10pm.
When we make plans, we have to make tangible plans. If I say, “ I plan to be on my phone less” Who measures what is less?! Plans have to be something you can actually measure. Using words like less or more, is not a complete plan. My phone being off by 10pm would mean that I am on my phone about 3 hours less a day and I may end up falling asleep sooner and get more sleep, allowing me to get up earlier and be more productive in the morning. While the plan may lead to other things that are less and more, the actual plan needs to be specific.
I wanted to share a new planner that I purchased that is also great for those that need to organize more. I bought the Faith and Focus planner. It is a 90 day planner that focuses goals, and abide time along with your schedule. I will share an amazon link below.
The next thing I wanted to share was the school planner that I purchased for my middle schooler. I want him to learn organizing and study skills younger, so he may be more productive later. After reading some reviews from a seasoned tutor and teacher, I found this planner and it seems to be great so far.
I have also found a youtube channel that is just a God-loving woman cleaning and organizing her home. It’s kinda like when you watch a cooking show and think, I could go make that! I watch this channel and think, I could go clean that!
It is interesting when we look back at the Old Testament and read through the genealogy of God’s people. There is significance in knowing the origins of things and people alike. It is amazing to watch how many lives can be changed when one person hears the voice of the Lord and obeys. One woman, Rachel Moix, heard the calling on her life and walked it out. She walked with as many women as she could until the good Lord took her home. A few of the people she walked with included Kellie Lemen, Trista Voos, and myself. We did not all walk with Rachel at the same time, but we all have that same genealogical connection. This connection knits our hearts together in the sweetest way. I was going to interview Kellie later on this summer, but as the Lord would have it, he called another Saint, Jill Lee, home. With that, I found myself up in Kansas City to pay my respects.
Kellie lives on the Missouri side of Kansas City in an amazing historical bungalow that was built in 1915. Anyone that knows me well, knows I LOVE historical things. SO, getting to stay in this home and not some cheap motel was extra special to me. The home looks to have the original floors and windows that I can still picture in my head. I woke up at 4am and got in the car to head to KC from Harrah, ok. When I got there I spent a little time with the Lord and went in the church for the funeral. After the funeral I got to go to dinner with Trista, Summer (another Disciple maker), and Kellie at a great pizza place, that I highly recommend; 1889 Pizza Napoletana.
Chorley: How did you get involved with Disciple making?
Kellie: I hit a phase in my life where I became super hungry. I wouldn’t get enough of the Word. I was being fed but didn’t know how to self-feed. Rachel got diagnosed with Cancer and I remember being called to pray for her. I sent her a package in the mail and gave her scripture. I went to a women’s conference and there was a sermon about getting off the fence. I had been in a phase where I had a double life. I made the decision to be all in and started praying about being discipled. Rachel invited me in after meeting with me one on one.
Chorley: How long did you agree to walk together?
Kellie: We didn’t have a covenant at that time. It was agreed that we would walk as long as we would walk.
Chorley: How long did yall walk together?
Kellie: Right around a year.
Chorley: When we begin to walk with people we don’t just walk with anyone, we are led by the Lord to invite people of peace to follow us as we follow Jesus. What does that look like for you?
Kellie: A lot of prayer. Listening prayer. Thinking about names, praying about names and being super open to who the Lord may be highlighting. The last group, I wrote down exactly how the Lord revealed them to me, so that when things got bad, I could look back to remind myself what the Lord said to me. The harvest is plentiful, and the workers are few, so you have to go up the mountain to find answers. Engaging in conversations to see if my words are big in their ears. If see if they come back to me after I have given them the Word. Watching how they respond to scripture I give them.
Kellie with her first group
Chorley: How long do you generally walk with your groups?
Kellie: It has been about 15-16 month.
Chorley: What is the biggest pillar of faith the Lord has built in you through discipleship?
Kellie: Honestly, some of the time you are feel like you have broken stuff, but you realize that the Lord wants it more than you, so he always makes it happen… There was someone I pushed too hard… and I thought they were going to walk away. When she left that night, she reached out to me to talk about how I handled things and she was super loving and awesome. A pillar was when I realized it isn’t on me.
Chorley: Are all the people that were discipled with you and the women you have released, now making disciples?
Kellie: No.
Chorley: Has that ever caused a shift in you?
Kellie: Yea, for sure. Especially my first group, I learned a lot and know things could have been done better. I wish I had done somethings differently and wonder if that would have spurred more things on.
Chorley: But like you said, it isn’t on you. You can pour into someone, but you can’t force them to pour into others. That is freedom for you and them.
Kellie with her second group
Chorley: What was the biggest lesson you had to learn about the truth of the Gospel?
Kellie: Everything we do matters. The shift of when the Gospel truly takes root in you, and you know what’s at stake. Souls. Everything else in life becomes a lot less important and you can see more clearly. You want to chase people down and show them what the Lord looks like and just love them. I have this saying, that I am always saying… “meanwhile, souls are perishing”. We should turn that into a shirt.
Chorley: Who do you lean on and confide in when you are struggling to make disciples and why?
Kellie: I have two good friends that also make disciples. Trista and Summer. I think it is important to have people who are also in the trenches and understand the process. The joys, the pains, the hurt and frustration. They are always able to encourage me with the Word.
Chorley: What is the slowest thing about making disciples?
Kellie: Depending on the person. The building of relationship and building trust can take a lot of time and it isn’t something you can rush. Also.. individuals learning how to abide.
Chorley: I agree 100%. Learning how to read the word and understand the voice of the Lord for yourself is what leads to true transformation. That is heaven breaking through in your life!
Chorley: Now that we have discussed the importance of being in the Word…How valuable is reading words from others?
Kellie: I think there is place for it and there is value, but it is also never a replacement for the word. I would say that if it isn’t scripture based, it doesn’t hold a lot of weight for me. I have read testimonies that are super important. Paul gave his testimony over and over in the word, so there can be power in our words too.
Chorley: What is the difference between discipleship and small groups?
Kellie: small groups are, low challenge. They are comfy and cozy. No one wants to challenge people with truth because they don’t want the environment to uncomfortable. Small groups are grace heavy and tend to not go as deep. Discipleship is a high challenge. It is very intentional. The people that are invited in, there are high expectations for them. There is high accountability. There are always trust for your information to stay in the room. Everyone knows that everyone in the room is fighting for them.
Chorley: Where have you seen discipleship spill onto different parts of your life that you didn’t expect?
Kellie: EVERYEHERE! When you realize that your life has purpose and that the Lord wants to use you, you seek out moments to be the church all the time! I did a bible study a few weeks ago and I saw fruit from it. I recently got to teach Eat the Word to a co-worker. I get to share Jesus with my very hard neighbors. Even if I am not discipling someone, I can still pour into them. Almost all of my friendships have changed because I can love my friends better and help show them the word and the truth.
Chorley: What advice do you have for people who are not sure about discipleship?
Kellie: You can count the cost but the pay out and the freedom that will come is better than you can ever imagine. It is in the word so why would be not strive for it. If we see Jesus walk with people, why would we not model that?
Chorley: DO you have any questions for me?
Kellie: What compels you to keep writing about discipleship?
Chorley: I have lived a dozen lives in the span of 35 years. I have almost died more times than I can count. I have had medical scare after medical scare. I have this thought that I have one life to live and only so much time left. I never know when the Lord is going to call me home. In that time, I am going to do everything I can to teach the people in my life about Jesus. I want to die knowing that everything the Lord has shown me, I wrote down so that when I am gone there will be a record for my children and their children… for those that are in my genealogy.
Kellie is single and the questions that I have been asking I decided to ask the women that are closest to her. I aske Trista: What is the biggest transformation you have witnessed in Kellie since she has gone through discipleship and is now making Disciples?
Trista Voos, Summer Cole, Kellie Lemen
Trista: Kellie has grown in her confidence at letting the Lord lead her to the right people of peace. I’ve seen the joy in her as she lays her life down to find it. She is quick to repent when she gets sideways and shares her struggles with honest and vulnerable intentions to teach others. She’s consistent to show up for those she loves and relies on the Word to shine through in leading women.
Thank you all for continuing to read this blog and support Disciple making. The Lord has commissioned us all. If you are interested in learning more about making disciples, feel free to email me from the contact page. I know dozens of Disciple Makers that are looking for people that are hungry for the Lord. Be sure to check out the shop for some great shirts.
I can’t remember exactly how long ago I met Tamyara. I also don’t remember the exact moment that we became family. I guess that is because C.S. Lewis was right about store’ love. You don’t know when exactly it starts, you only recognize it once it has already happened. When I met Tamyara, she was not a person of peace for me. The things she said rubbed me the wrong way and I my words did not rest with her. At least they didn’t rest in any good way. I also knew that I had no fans in her family. The reality is that we both had some growing up to do. It took a few years of learning how to love people for who they are and recognizing that unity in the body brings peace. There are always growing pains that come with maturing. I can honestly say that through all this maturing, I have felt the pain. Watching the Lord transform Tamyara has made it all worth it.
Tamyara has faced her fair share of growing pains. She has also pruned many dead branches and has shown sustainable fruit in her life. Tamyara Henson is married to Chad Henson. They have two boys, Benjamin(13) and Noah(12). They live in Midwest City, Ok. Tamyara was born and raised in eastern Oklahoma county. She went to Randall University straight out of high school and currently works for a tag agency. Tamyara is part of the Worship team ministry and my dear friend lives with chronic pain. I have a lot of sympathy for anyone that is dealing with pain all the time. I pray you read this very raw, honest and vulnerable interview with grace.
Chorley: From the moment that discipleship kicked off at Harrah Church? How did your journey of Discipleship go?
Tamyara: I was not on board with it from the beginning. The shift in culture and misunderstandings lead to all of my extended family leaving the church. This created a lot of family tensions that I still deal with today. I was invited into a second-generation group, then it was swept out from under me.
Chorley: When you say that it was swept out from under you what do you mean by that?
Tamyara: I was invited into a group. We met and had dinner as a group. We set up when we were going to meet and laid out how things would go and everyone was really excited… Two days later we received a phone call that we are not going to have a group it is just not going to happen.
Chorley: How did being invited into a group and then it failing to launch impact you?
Tamyara: It hurt. To be blunt. I was pissed. I was already having identity problems and it really messed with those issues that were already there. I allowed a negative situation to have a bigger impact on me than it had to and for longer than it had to.
Chorley: I’m walking with you, so I already know.. but for those that don’t know you, how long were you not in a group after that situation happened?
Tamyara: A little over a year.
Chorley: What did you have to resolve with yourself and the Lord before you could even attempt to be in a disciple making group again?
Tamyara: I had to walk through a lot of identity stuff. I had to sit with him on that and truly know what it meant that there is a time and place for everything and the Lord had a purpose for this all to play out.
Chorley: Did you join a newly started group?
Tamyara: No. I had some women that I knew were purposely meeting with me to possibly invite me in at some point. I didn’t know it would be to be with a group that was already started. But I did start with a group that had already been meeting for a year.
Chorley: How was it joining a group that had already walked together for a year?
Tamyara: It was very awkward. Since I was having identity issues, the first night I walked in it felt like , hey I’m the rotten one of the bunch.
Chorley: What exactly made you think that?
Tamyara: When things fell apart with the first group, I really felt tossed aside.
Chorley: After the first night… how did it go?
Tamyara: It went better each week. Like… Each week I dreaded it less and the dread was not as heavy.
Chorley: How was the learning curve joining a group that had already been together for so long?
Tamyara: I always felt like there were times that I could speak up and have things explained better to me. Everyone in the room would answer my questions freely.
Chorley: When you say less dread, what exactly were you dreading?
Tamyara: I was dreading being vulnerable, I was dreading opening up more and more of myself each week. For a long time, I felt like I put on a show. But at d group you are open, honest and vulnerable and everyone is going to see your flaws and this is not the Tamyara that they see on Sundays.
Chorley: DO you think the western church culture has set us up to hide our authentic selves?
Tamyara: I think it has. Growing up in that culture, you are basically taught that the things that happen at home are kept at home. You are to be pleasing at church on Sunday even if your life is falling down around you. You hide your junk. This perfect Christian. I know that I catch myself trying to wear the weight of what people say about me. It is hard and I cant let that define me. Disciple making culture is different than western church culture. Disciple making culture gives you more freedom to be who Christ says you are.
Chorley: What is it that made you realize that others can’t define you?
Tamyara: What the Bible says about my identity. If the Lord set me apart, why should I let what other people say about me have any weight in my life?
Chorley: What did it look like the first time someone fought for your freedom in group?
Tamyara: It wasn’t in group; it was one on one with you over the phone. It was when me you and Robin were meeting and I had fallen asleep 3 times while we were meeting. I was so embarrassed. I thought I had only fallen asleep once. It was then that you brought to my attention, how badly I was addicted to pain pills and muscle relaxers. It literally made me feel ill. I made a promise to you that I was going to come off of those medications. I started going through withdrawal immediately. I came to group going through withdrawal. I sat at your table sicker than a dog. And.. had to be driven home by Brittany because I was so sick. But every day I could feel more and more freedom. I could be open to accept what the Lord had for me and his plan for me. I was able to actually absorb more at group and be more present minded with those around me.
Chorley: When we were on the phone and when you were going through withdrawals next to the dinner rolls… how did the group respond?
Tamyara: With grace that I did not deserve. I remember, I can’t remember who said it… but when I went to leave for the night…someone said, well, you stayed longer than we expected you to stay. They all poured into me all week. I remember Brittany talking SO much on my drive home and I just couldn’t listen any more because I was so sick. I remember I got home and Chad met us in the drive way, I got out of the car and puked.
Chorley: So, you didn’t get released at the end of that year with the rest of everyone. You got what I respectfully call, recycled. What was that like for you?
Tamyara: The night that the group got released, was bittersweet. I was so happy for them. But it brought back those old feelings. Like if my original group had started, I would be released too. But I also know that it is the Lords will. He has plans for me. I’m also the type that I was excited to join a new group and get to know new women as intimately as I knew these women that were being. I know that when I am released that those women will be just as happy for me as I was for them.
Chorley: So, first you were invited to a group. It failed to launch. Then you were meeting with me, and another woman and mornings were not working for you. Then I asked you to join my already started group, a year late… and you were with that group for a year until they were released. Then you continued with me into another group…. How did that go?
Tamyara: The first night it was just Robin, Cheyanna, Andi and Me… Then the next six weeks I didn’t show up. I let a lot of things influence my decision to check out. My health, not feeling worthy, being insecure, having to open up fresh wounds, having to tell my Jesus story with every new group, I had fallen back into the relying on pain medicine and worldly things to get me through, not abiding with the Lord, and feeling disgusting inside would determine if I was going to group. I would wake up the morning of group and just decide, nope… not going today. After six weeks of me not showing up, You pulled me out of service and we skipped the message and went to the lobby to talk. You told me, “You have to crap or get off the pot, either way, which ever you decide I love you” You also reminded me what I promised in the covenant that I signed. A couple days after that, I called and told you I was stepping away for a break from Discipleship. Then we were on our way to see family, on the way there I got a text from Whitney, because Chad was going to help her prepare for house church. I don’t remember the scripture, but that got Chad and I talking which led Chad to pour Scripture into me, which prior to that moment, I always fought against because I didn’t want to come up with a plan to change things. The trip to see family took two hours. In that two hours, three different times I opened up to Chad some things that I had kept buried that every time it was brought up, I would almost vomit, but it was like once I got that stuff out of my mouth, I had this freedom inside, that unless you are abiding you wouldn’t understand. In that two hours, Chad helped me realize how good discipleship can be and one of the things that I had opened up to him about was that I was intimidated by you. I remember him telling me that if there is anyone that understands me with my health issues… its Andi. It was over that weekend that I finally truly sat down with the Lord and the covenant that you gave me and it was that following Sunday at the all church celebration that I sat down with you again. I was able to really open up to you and be honest about what had been going on and why I had stepped away and ran. I repented for not holding up my end of the covenant and handed you a new signed covenant. After me being gone for 5 months, You showed me grace and just accepted me back. That was the worst and hardest 5 months. It was worse than the year after the first group that failed to launch. I came back to group as soon as our season of rest was over and it was You, Robin, Cheyanna, Shelby (Who I had never met) and me. This season has been good. When I leave here on Wednesday, I look forward to the next week. The first night I came back, it was like I had never left.
Chorley: There was a night this year that I was too sick from a fibromyalgia flare up, to lead group. How did that go for you?
Tamyara: You contacted me and asked me about leading at my home, but we are in the middle of home repairs… so you told me, I could cancel group, or find somewhere to meet. It was my choice. I chose to reach out to the ladies and see who could host. Robin opened her home. The week leading up to me leading group on my own… gave me no anxiety. None. Which is not like the old Tamyara. I went from not showing up at all and coming up with excuses eight months ago to leading group when you were sick and not even present to assist me. It was good for all of us. Especially me. I had always felt that I might not be able to do this or lead well, but that night showed me that I am capable and equipped. I sat with the Lord and asked for guidance and the Lord just revealed to me that the number one thing that I could teach was the identity triangle; Which is a disciple making tool we use to show us in scripture how our identity needs to be found in Christ.
Chorley: What are you most excited about for your future?
Tamyara: I Just started a new job, I am helping direct people to the Lord, Discipleship is going well and I’m excited to see what the Lord has in store for me.
I like to ask family members for their 2 cents. So I asked Benjamin, Tamyara’s son: How have you seen the Lord change your mom over the last 2 years?
–My mom has grown more confident in the Word. She turns to scripture before anything else. She listens to the word and obeys it.
Then I asked her husband Chad: What is one thing that everyone needs to know about Tamyara’s transformation through Discipleship?
–Before entering a discipling relationship, Tamyara’s identity was defined by what people thought of her and said about her. She had a fear of being left out. She tried hard to fit in no matter what it took. She saw the results of discipleship in other women at our church and wanted those same things in her life. We had many conversations about why she wasn’t chosen to be discipled in the beginning. She took exclusion as a sign that she wasn’t good enough or popular enough. It really jacked with her identity. Now, as Tamyara walks with you (Chorley) in a discipling relationship, I’ve seen her grow so much. Tamyara is secure in who she is in Christ. The words and actions of people no longer define her. They still hurt sometimes but she knows what Ephesians 1 says and what God says about her. She knows the truth and lets the truth set her free. I am watching now as people are beginning to see Jesus in her. The transformation has been incredibly sweet to watch. I’ve been watching my wife become my ministry partner. I thank God for her.
I pray this interview finds you well and encourages you as much as it has me.
I am sore and just need to rest. I know that my life has been called to live a life on a narrow road. Part of that narrow road includes fostering relationships between women. My amazing sister Kelly, often walks this road with me. We have recognized a weakness and after sitting with the Lord, we decided that we need to focus hard on helping women build relationships with each other. What we both know is that making friends and building relationships are harder in 2021 than they were in 33AD because we don’t actually do life on life to the extent that women did in 33AD. What I mean is we don’t all go to the same small market. We don’t all go down to the river together to wash clothes. We don’t deliver each other’s babies. I am not saying that we should be doing these things. I am just saying that life on life and fostering relationships in 2021 looks different than it did in 33AD.
I took 9 women hiking this past weekend. I wanted to do something fun and outdoors in my anticipation of spring coming. I started planning about a month ago. I figured out where I wanted to go quickly. The decision was made to go to the Wichita Wildlife Reserve. Then I started inviting different women to join me. After everything was all said and done, I had invited 120 women. I know that seems like a lot of women to take on a hiking trip. Once you reach this huge number of people when hiking, it becomes overcrowded fast. I knew that I would not end up with more than 25 women hiking at the most. I knew this because I knew that what I would be asking of these women was costly. I cast a wide net. Nine out of 120 women were up for the challenge. Why so little? I will tell you.
There were a few reasons for women not to go. We were set to go on a Saturday morning. Many women set aside their weekends for their family. They go hard doing so much through the week, they want to give their family the time due. Some women are either single moms or have a spouse that works weekends. This made an obstacle for them to hurdle. A person’s priorities and prior engagements can determine their willingness to join us. That’s okay. They weren’t wrong. We were set to leave at 5am. Yes you read that correct 5am. We leave our area at 5am so that we can make it to the hiking trail in the mountains by 7am. When we get there early; we are able to avoid a lot of traffic, see the sunrise, catch the animals on their morning walk, avoid most other hiking groups, and most importantly we are able to avoid the majority of the heat. There are a few reasons to leave at 5, the biggest being the safety of all hikers in the group. Dehydration, heat cramps, heat exhaustion, and heat stroke are killers. The only water that is guaranteed on a hike, is the water you bring with you. It was not the opportune time fore some women to join us. That is okay. They weren’t wrong. We had decided to hike 6.1 miles. This is the full Bison trail. Hiking a 6.1-mile trail can be very physically demanding. Most American women can not go from living our everyday lives with minor physical activity to hiking 6 miles through the mountains. The trail is not flat. The trail is up and down the whole way and has a 417 ft elevation gain. Some believed they were unable to physically complete the hike (some were right), some worried they would hold others back. They did not believe they were prepared to go the distance. That’s okay. They weren’t wrong.
Then… there were the 9. The 9 that chose to make this a priority. They chose this over other things. They found a way. Many of them had to rearrange many things and rely on other people to make this possible, but they put in the work to do be able to go. 9 women made sure that they were where they needed to be when they needed to be there. They knew that they could not change the time but wanted to go bad enough they were not deterred by the inconvenient time. 9 women knew they could physically and mentally complete the test laid out for them. Whenever a few had doubts about their abilities, they chose to trust the Lord to bring them to the end of the trail. 9 women continuously checked on each other while on the trail. 9 women encouraged each other to keep going. 9 women either spoke scripture or received scripture with a glad heart. I don’t know about the other 9 women, but I know that I am tired and sore. I just need to rest and let myself recuperate.
All of the things that I have talked about here, having to do with the hiking trip, is also true about discipleship. Even when a wide net is cast, few will be caught and committed. [Matthew 7:13-14] Discipleship has to be a priority in your life. You have to be willing to sacrifice other things in life to follow Christ and teach others to do the same. [Luke9:23] [2 Timothy 2:2]You don’t always get to choose when things happen. Everything is based on the Lord’s timing.[Proverbs 16:9] If you are waiting for a more convenient time to walk as a disciple or disciple maker, you may never do it. [Luke 9:57-62]You have to count the cost before you can commit. [Luke14:28-30] You constantly have to remind yourself that the Lord prepares you, [Mark 1:3]encourages you [Romans 15:4], reminds you of scripture [2 Peter 1:12]and fully equips you to walk as his disciple. [Hebrews 13:20-21]
Hiking, just like discipleship, can wear on me and force me to rest and recoup. So today, I’m sore and need to rest physically. I always need to rest and recoup with the Lord. Resting with the Lord renews me physically and spiritually.
Are you prioritizing correctly?
Are you waiting for a more opportune time?
Are you willing and able?
Are you resting with the Lord?
Grace & Peace
Chorley
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I have enjoyed the amount of intentional conversations that I have had lately. I think the current pandemic has allowed me to slow down and do many things I have known I needed to do. I have been cooking and cleaning more. Which is something I have not been healthy enough to do the last five years. I have had a series of conversations lately that have driven me to write this to you today. First I was doing a Hebrew bible study with a small group that I meet with on Thursdays. It is Basically each of the APEST sitting around the table sharing what the Lord is revealing to them. It is a group that, while I am thankful for, without Jesus we might never know each other. While doing a study on Hebrews words, a couple of us gave each other new Hebrew names. I was told that I would be called the woman warrior due to all I have been through. At the time we were not positive what the word was… I showed admiration for the name and kept my personal desires to myself. I have been a warrior for too long. I just want to be the humble, lace aproned, bread making, clothes folding Proverbs 31 wife I pictured from a better homes and gardens magazine I saw on a coffee table at the doctor’s office as a child. Fast forward and I find myself having conversations with many women who are struggling. Struggling to get up earlier to spend time with Jesus, struggling to keep their house clean, struggling to get laundry done, struggling to get motivated to cook yet another meal, struggling with the desire to be intimate with their husbands, struggling with wanting to be a stay at home mom, struggling with wanting to work. The list of struggles goes on and on. The reasons for why each thing is a struggle is very real and very personal. I won’t go into their details any further. I have had all of these struggles. I have struggled to be motivated. I have struggled to keep my house up. I have struggled to want to cook, I have struggled to desire an intimate relationship with my husband. Up until Saturday, there were about three distinct piles of clothes on my bedroom floor. When my home is messy, it stresses me out. I try to keep up between running this house, raising 3 kids, making disciples, going to school full time and now homeschooling my 3 children. My first thought when I see the mess, is that I am failing at what I want to be. This Proverbs 31 woman. I suck. This is my job and it is not getting completed. When ever I would have conversations with the woman who walked with me, I never left feeling beat up or defeated. So why should I leave the Lord’s word feeling that way? I recently dug in further to this exquisite creature that I desired to emulate. The first thing that I noticed was that this whole chapter was a prophecy most likely brought to Solomon from his mother, Bathsheba. The next thing that I see is the whole epilogue of the noble woman has three different themes. The first section verses 10-12 reflects the wife’s value. The next section verses 13-27 describe things she does. The third section, verses 28-31, praises her. The interesting part is that her value is not hinged on the things she does. When you look at verse 10, A wife of noble character, who can find? She is worth far more than rubies. When I dug in to this I found that the word Noble was not used until the mid 1500’s when men were beginning to fear the power that women had. Until this time the word Powerful was used. It is a translation from the original Hebrew word “Chayil” (Khah’-yil). This word Chayil is spelled in Hebrew Chet-Yood-Lamed. The Chet is the symbol of a gate that represents a safe place. The Yood symbol that looks like the arm represents mighty work. The Lamed represents the shepherd staff and demonstrates the voice of authority. So here with them all together this word of power comes from a place of protection that performs mighty work and falls under strong leadership. The few other times this word is used, it is used of strong men in battle. The next word that stuck out to me was Rubies. The word here was translated from the Hebrew word “Peninim” (paw-neen). At the time that this text was wrote the original word was more likely to mean Pearls than Rubies. There is great significance in this. While rubies are beautiful, they can occur naturally all over the world. A pearl however does not occur naturally. Well not quite. A pearl is only formed when a foreign piece of shell, bone, sand, or parasite get in a mollusk. The mollusk will then form a nucleus around the foreign body. The mollusk will continue to coat the foreign body with several layers of nacre for many years. Most natural pearls vary in size, color, and time it takes to make them. So, this woman we are speaking of in Proverbs 31 is rarer than a gem that is only made when a mollusk takes its injury and turns it into something beautiful? The odds of a mollusk making a pearl are about 1 in 10,000. So, from this I am seeing that while rare, it is possible. A proverbs 31 woman is not a perfect wife. Rather a wife that creates a sanctuary for her family. She is willing to do mighty work, whatever that looks like for her. She is also one that submits to the authority of God and her husband. I guess the woman warrior is the Proverbs 31 wife. No matter what my house looks like.
Surley your goodness and love will follow me all the days of my life,
And I will dwell in the house of the Lord forever. Pslam 23:6
