I can’t remember exactly how long ago I met Tamyara. I also don’t remember the exact moment that we became family. I guess that is because C.S. Lewis was right about store’ love. You don’t know when exactly it starts, you only recognize it once it has already happened. When I met Tamyara, she was not a person of peace for me. The things she said rubbed me the wrong way and I my words did not rest with her. At least they didn’t rest in any good way. I also knew that I had no fans in her family. The reality is that we both had some growing up to do. It took a few years of learning how to love people for who they are and recognizing that unity in the body brings peace. There are always growing pains that come with maturing. I can honestly say that through all this maturing, I have felt the pain. Watching the Lord transform Tamyara has made it all worth it.
Tamyara has faced her fair share of growing pains. She has also pruned many dead branches and has shown sustainable fruit in her life. Tamyara Henson is married to Chad Henson. They have two boys, Benjamin(13) and Noah(12). They live in Midwest City, Ok. Tamyara was born and raised in eastern Oklahoma county. She went to Randall University straight out of high school and currently works for a tag agency. Tamyara is part of the Worship team ministry and my dear friend lives with chronic pain. I have a lot of sympathy for anyone that is dealing with pain all the time. I pray you read this very raw, honest and vulnerable interview with grace.
Chorley: From the moment that discipleship kicked off at Harrah Church? How did your journey of Discipleship go?
Tamyara: I was not on board with it from the beginning. The shift in culture and misunderstandings lead to all of my extended family leaving the church. This created a lot of family tensions that I still deal with today. I was invited into a second-generation group, then it was swept out from under me.
Chorley: When you say that it was swept out from under you what do you mean by that?
Tamyara: I was invited into a group. We met and had dinner as a group. We set up when we were going to meet and laid out how things would go and everyone was really excited… Two days later we received a phone call that we are not going to have a group it is just not going to happen.
Chorley: How did being invited into a group and then it failing to launch impact you?
Tamyara: It hurt. To be blunt. I was pissed. I was already having identity problems and it really messed with those issues that were already there. I allowed a negative situation to have a bigger impact on me than it had to and for longer than it had to.
Chorley: I’m walking with you, so I already know.. but for those that don’t know you, how long were you not in a group after that situation happened?
Tamyara: A little over a year.
Chorley: What did you have to resolve with yourself and the Lord before you could even attempt to be in a disciple making group again?
Tamyara: I had to walk through a lot of identity stuff. I had to sit with him on that and truly know what it meant that there is a time and place for everything and the Lord had a purpose for this all to play out.
Chorley: Did you join a newly started group?
Tamyara: No. I had some women that I knew were purposely meeting with me to possibly invite me in at some point. I didn’t know it would be to be with a group that was already started. But I did start with a group that had already been meeting for a year.
Chorley: How was it joining a group that had already walked together for a year?
Tamyara: It was very awkward. Since I was having identity issues, the first night I walked in it felt like , hey I’m the rotten one of the bunch.
Chorley: What exactly made you think that?
Tamyara: When things fell apart with the first group, I really felt tossed aside.
Chorley: After the first night… how did it go?
Tamyara: It went better each week. Like… Each week I dreaded it less and the dread was not as heavy.
Chorley: How was the learning curve joining a group that had already been together for so long?
Tamyara: I always felt like there were times that I could speak up and have things explained better to me. Everyone in the room would answer my questions freely.
Chorley: When you say less dread, what exactly were you dreading?
Tamyara: I was dreading being vulnerable, I was dreading opening up more and more of myself each week. For a long time, I felt like I put on a show. But at d group you are open, honest and vulnerable and everyone is going to see your flaws and this is not the Tamyara that they see on Sundays.
Chorley: DO you think the western church culture has set us up to hide our authentic selves?
Tamyara: I think it has. Growing up in that culture, you are basically taught that the things that happen at home are kept at home. You are to be pleasing at church on Sunday even if your life is falling down around you. You hide your junk. This perfect Christian. I know that I catch myself trying to wear the weight of what people say about me. It is hard and I cant let that define me. Disciple making culture is different than western church culture. Disciple making culture gives you more freedom to be who Christ says you are.
Chorley: What is it that made you realize that others can’t define you?
Tamyara: What the Bible says about my identity. If the Lord set me apart, why should I let what other people say about me have any weight in my life?
Chorley: What did it look like the first time someone fought for your freedom in group?
Tamyara: It wasn’t in group; it was one on one with you over the phone. It was when me you and Robin were meeting and I had fallen asleep 3 times while we were meeting. I was so embarrassed. I thought I had only fallen asleep once. It was then that you brought to my attention, how badly I was addicted to pain pills and muscle relaxers. It literally made me feel ill. I made a promise to you that I was going to come off of those medications. I started going through withdrawal immediately. I came to group going through withdrawal. I sat at your table sicker than a dog. And.. had to be driven home by Brittany because I was so sick. But every day I could feel more and more freedom. I could be open to accept what the Lord had for me and his plan for me. I was able to actually absorb more at group and be more present minded with those around me.
Chorley: When we were on the phone and when you were going through withdrawals next to the dinner rolls… how did the group respond?
Tamyara: With grace that I did not deserve. I remember, I can’t remember who said it… but when I went to leave for the night…someone said, well, you stayed longer than we expected you to stay. They all poured into me all week. I remember Brittany talking SO much on my drive home and I just couldn’t listen any more because I was so sick. I remember I got home and Chad met us in the drive way, I got out of the car and puked.
Chorley: So, you didn’t get released at the end of that year with the rest of everyone. You got what I respectfully call, recycled. What was that like for you?
Tamyara: The night that the group got released, was bittersweet. I was so happy for them. But it brought back those old feelings. Like if my original group had started, I would be released too. But I also know that it is the Lords will. He has plans for me. I’m also the type that I was excited to join a new group and get to know new women as intimately as I knew these women that were being. I know that when I am released that those women will be just as happy for me as I was for them.
Chorley: So, first you were invited to a group. It failed to launch. Then you were meeting with me, and another woman and mornings were not working for you. Then I asked you to join my already started group, a year late… and you were with that group for a year until they were released. Then you continued with me into another group…. How did that go?
Tamyara: The first night it was just Robin, Cheyanna, Andi and Me… Then the next six weeks I didn’t show up. I let a lot of things influence my decision to check out. My health, not feeling worthy, being insecure, having to open up fresh wounds, having to tell my Jesus story with every new group, I had fallen back into the relying on pain medicine and worldly things to get me through, not abiding with the Lord, and feeling disgusting inside would determine if I was going to group. I would wake up the morning of group and just decide, nope… not going today. After six weeks of me not showing up, You pulled me out of service and we skipped the message and went to the lobby to talk. You told me, “You have to crap or get off the pot, either way, which ever you decide I love you” You also reminded me what I promised in the covenant that I signed. A couple days after that, I called and told you I was stepping away for a break from Discipleship. Then we were on our way to see family, on the way there I got a text from Whitney, because Chad was going to help her prepare for house church. I don’t remember the scripture, but that got Chad and I talking which led Chad to pour Scripture into me, which prior to that moment, I always fought against because I didn’t want to come up with a plan to change things. The trip to see family took two hours. In that two hours, three different times I opened up to Chad some things that I had kept buried that every time it was brought up, I would almost vomit, but it was like once I got that stuff out of my mouth, I had this freedom inside, that unless you are abiding you wouldn’t understand. In that two hours, Chad helped me realize how good discipleship can be and one of the things that I had opened up to him about was that I was intimidated by you. I remember him telling me that if there is anyone that understands me with my health issues… its Andi. It was over that weekend that I finally truly sat down with the Lord and the covenant that you gave me and it was that following Sunday at the all church celebration that I sat down with you again. I was able to really open up to you and be honest about what had been going on and why I had stepped away and ran. I repented for not holding up my end of the covenant and handed you a new signed covenant. After me being gone for 5 months, You showed me grace and just accepted me back. That was the worst and hardest 5 months. It was worse than the year after the first group that failed to launch. I came back to group as soon as our season of rest was over and it was You, Robin, Cheyanna, Shelby (Who I had never met) and me. This season has been good. When I leave here on Wednesday, I look forward to the next week. The first night I came back, it was like I had never left.
Chorley: There was a night this year that I was too sick from a fibromyalgia flare up, to lead group. How did that go for you?
Tamyara: You contacted me and asked me about leading at my home, but we are in the middle of home repairs… so you told me, I could cancel group, or find somewhere to meet. It was my choice. I chose to reach out to the ladies and see who could host. Robin opened her home. The week leading up to me leading group on my own… gave me no anxiety. None. Which is not like the old Tamyara. I went from not showing up at all and coming up with excuses eight months ago to leading group when you were sick and not even present to assist me. It was good for all of us. Especially me. I had always felt that I might not be able to do this or lead well, but that night showed me that I am capable and equipped. I sat with the Lord and asked for guidance and the Lord just revealed to me that the number one thing that I could teach was the identity triangle; Which is a disciple making tool we use to show us in scripture how our identity needs to be found in Christ.
Chorley: What are you most excited about for your future?
Tamyara: I Just started a new job, I am helping direct people to the Lord, Discipleship is going well and I’m excited to see what the Lord has in store for me.
I like to ask family members for their 2 cents. So I asked Benjamin, Tamyara’s son: How have you seen the Lord change your mom over the last 2 years?
–My mom has grown more confident in the Word. She turns to scripture before anything else. She listens to the word and obeys it.
Then I asked her husband Chad: What is one thing that everyone needs to know about Tamyara’s transformation through Discipleship?
–Before entering a discipling relationship, Tamyara’s identity was defined by what people thought of her and said about her. She had a fear of being left out. She tried hard to fit in no matter what it took. She saw the results of discipleship in other women at our church and wanted those same things in her life. We had many conversations about why she wasn’t chosen to be discipled in the beginning. She took exclusion as a sign that she wasn’t good enough or popular enough. It really jacked with her identity. Now, as Tamyara walks with you (Chorley) in a discipling relationship, I’ve seen her grow so much. Tamyara is secure in who she is in Christ. The words and actions of people no longer define her. They still hurt sometimes but she knows what Ephesians 1 says and what God says about her. She knows the truth and lets the truth set her free. I am watching now as people are beginning to see Jesus in her. The transformation has been incredibly sweet to watch. I’ve been watching my wife become my ministry partner. I thank God for her.
I pray this interview finds you well and encourages you as much as it has me.
Grace & Peace
Chorley
