Tag: disciple making

Straining for the Hem

.Reading time 7 minutes.

Open. Honest. Vulnerable. It has been a trying couple of years. There have been a lot of highs and lows. The highs have been amazing. The lows have been debilitating. While I was supported by many; there were people I loved that dusted their feet of me. People I didn’t know opened their doors and people I loved shut the gate on my face. It was a hard wilderness to walk through. Miraculously, the Lord has restored many of those relationships that were torn by misunderstandings and missteps. I am always full of joy when I think about the fact that I serve a God of restoration.

In 2016 a women made a choice to invest in my life. She asked me to follow her as she followed Jesus. Then I made the choice to dedicate my life to doing the same for other women. I know it is a calling on my life as much as I know my blood is red. Within a year of her releasing me to invest in other women, she passed away. It was the hardest loss I have ever felt. After spending a lot of time at war in Iraq, I got accustomed to losing friends in battle and still continuing my mission. This loss was harder for me to walk through because this is a woman who taught me about the healing of Christ’s hem. The healing that comes from reaching out to him… from just being near him. The tears I continue to cry for her are tears of love and gratitude. A huge thing she taught me was Lordship. Allowing Christ alone to have Lordship in my life. Not people, things, or situations. This was paramount in continuing to walk with Christ once my spiritual parent passed away.

I recently had to walk through a hard situation. In my frustration I told a friend that possesses great godly reason, that I was tired if doing this and didn’t want to do discipleship anymore. In my weakness… I felt done. She called out lies I was believing and gave me scripture. This is what is different about conversations with women who sit at the feet of Jesus. They call out sin. They call out lies. They call out the true enemy.

Then… I had D-group today. We talked through the Shema and Lordship. It was a great reminder for me. What is on the forefront of my mind? What is leading my thoughts and actions? I had allowed my situation to have Lordship in my life. The voice of the Lord for me became clear. If I believe that Jesus is Lord of my life, my current situation does not get to decide if I will continue to make Disciples of Jesus. I had to change my view and return to looking at Christ and reach out to him. In the thick of hard things, we have to strain for him. This is true repentance.

After sitting in this, one of the women I am walking with gave me a gift that hit me so fast I couldn’t catch my breath. It was a print of a picture I sent her a while back. It is a drawing of Matthew 9:20-22. How could someone draw something from 3 verses in such a way as to steal the air from my lungs? Art is funny like that. Seeing the power from these 3 verses drawn out is the reminder of Christ’s healing that I need daily.

And behold, a woman who had suffered from a discharge of blood for twelve years came up behind him and touched the fringe of his garment, for she said to herself, “If I only touch his garment, I will be made well.” Jesus turned, and seeing her he said, “Take heart, daughter; your faith has made you well.” And instantly the woman was made well.

If I only touch his garment, I will be made well. Having enough faith in Christ to believe that all you have to do is strain and reach even just the hem of his garment is so powerful. Him being aware of suffering and affliction by her mere touch is powerful. Him allowing her faith to bring her healing is powerful. Him calling her daughter IS POWERFUL.

Take heart… tharséō (“emboldened to show courage”) refers to God bolstering the believer, empowering them with a bold inner-attitude (to be “of good courage”). For the believer, 2293 /tharséō (“showing boldness”) is the result of the Lord infusing His strength by His inworking of faith (“inbirthed persuasion,” 4102 /pístis). Showing this unflinching, bold courage means living out the inner confidence (inner bolstering) that is Spirit-produced. [from Bible hub & stongs concordance]

Show courage, have a bold inner-attitude from the Lord infusing His strength by His in working of faith because you have been made well.

LORD, let me strain daily for the hem of your garment. Let me strain daily for your for healing. Let me strain daily for your restoration. Let me strain daily for you. You are the God who sees me. You are the God who heals.

I pray this finds you well.

I pray you surround yourself with women who sit at the feet of Jesus, and point you to his hem.

-Chorley

woman kneeling in desert

You Are a Difference Maker

.Reading time 7 minutes.

Sometimes we get caught up in so much and start to lose focus of the fact that we are a difference maker. There is this strange phenomenon going on… we have come to believe that just because we don’t believe that the things we are doing are important, we are not difference makers. If we don’t have kids, if we aren’t married, if we don’t have a discipleship group, if we don’t work outside of the home, if we don’t work inside of the home, if we are struggling with our health, depression, anxiety, or you just feel hidden. Everything you do makes a difference.

I believe the best way to tell you the truth is to show you in the Word. The Old Testament is my happy place. So that is where I will take you.

The Israelites spent years jumping in and out of slavery. This is exhausting for a person, and so much more exhausting for an entire race. For a race to know their history and know how often they return to slavery has got to start to wear down faith, trust and hope. I can see how they might think, “why bother”. The hidden people we see in the Old Testament that were seemingly unimportant were difference makers. Adam hid his shame in the garden. Moses hid in Midian. Josephs own brothers hid him in a well. Daniel was hidden in a lion’s den. Jael was hidden in a tent. Deborah was hidden behind Barak. Naomi was hidden by grief. They all had seasons of hiding. They also had seasons being difference makers.

One of the biggest difference makers in the Old Testament is a woman named Hadassah. She was a Jew who had been orphaned from her parents who came from the Tribe of Benjamin. The Tribe of Bengamin has a very colorful history. We see this in Judges 20-21. (please go read this story) Gibeah from the Tribe of Bengamin started a war by assaulting and killing a concubine. Then years later when the Tribe of Bengamin has been over taken by the Persians, Hadassah found herself a thousand miles from home hiding her identity. She hides her identity and even changes her name to Esther. I know many of you have read the story of Esther. Looking deep into the scriptures we can find out many intresting things about Hadassah.

Hadassah was a direct decedent of King Saul. We see that she was not only orphaned from her mother, but also her father. This was most likely from the military siege lead by King Nebuchadnezzar. Hadassah along with her uncle had been carried away to Persia by King Nebuchadnezzar with Jeconiah the king of Judah. The tribe of Benjamin fell under the rule of the Tribe of Judah in 930 B.C. and both were taken captive in 586 B.C. Hadassah and her uncle never returned to Jerusalem. God’s name was never recorded in her story. Hadassah did not enter a beauty contest. Her uncle did not desire this for her. She was taken. Taken. Put in Custody. She was placed in the custody of Hegai and was forced to “please him”. We don’t have a lot of context for what all would be included in “pleasing” your captor. she was held by Hegai for 12 months before going to see the king.

When we look back at the words and prophecy of Daniel 9, we know that Christ is coming from the line of David. In Esther we see that there is not only a plot to kill all of the Jews in Persia, but also to kill all of the Jews in the world. This would annihilate the lineage of David. However, we also see a woman that was taken away from her heritage, her people, who was hidden away. A woman who waited, watched, fasted, prayed: for just the right moment. When her uncle warns her that her silence may not save her, she finds her voice. He tells her that it is every aspect of her life that has brought her to this moment. Every hard thing and every blessing in her life has brought her to this moment.

Many of the things in our life that seem like a bad lot, are not. We always have the opportunity to make a difference with the Lot that we have been cast. Every negative thing in your life is for a reason. You don’t know freedom until you have been captive. You don’t know health until you have been sick. You don’t know love until you have faced loss. you don’t appreciate water until you have walked in the desert. You don’t respect guidance until you have wondered in the wilderness. You don’t understand loyalty until you have been betrayed. The choices you make today will have ripples that you may never get to see. The fruit of your obedience may be enjoyed by those you never meet.

I have repeatedly referred to her as Hadassah and not Esther because I want to encourage you to know who the Lord made you to be. If he has made you a new creation, walk in that authority. Remember what you have walked through and continue to walk out of captivity. Wait patiently for the Lord’s timing. We will have seasons of hiding and seasons of speaking. In his timing you come out of hiding, in his timing your voice is powerful. Seek the welfare of your people, speak peace to your people, but be ready to lay your life down. Your silence is loud.

silhouette of man

The Honorable Bereans

.Reading time 4 minutes.

I am one of those that does not trust easy. I am not sure if it is due to my childhood, life trauma, or the simple fact that the world is full of evil men and there is a very real and deceptive devil who seeks to steal, kill and destroy. I don’t walk into every situation assuming that someone is lying. Rather I walk into every situation hoping that they are not. Hoping of course with my own due diligence.

James 3:8 tells us that NO human can tame the tongue.

Jeremiah 17:9 tells us that the heart is deceitful.

When Paul went to Thessalonica he preached for 3 Sabbaths. He reasoned with them from the Scriptures, explaining and proving that it was necessary for Christ to suffer and to rise from the dead. Many came to believe. Jews and Greeks. However, some Jews got Jealous and formed a mob and essentially ran Paul and Silas out of town. The next place they stop is about 35 miles away in the city of Berea. The word says that Paul again went to the Jewish synagogue first. Considering Paul’s background, this makes sense. We then see that the Bereans are considered more noble that the thessalonians because of how they handle the words that Paul brings to them. Acts 17:11 reads, “Now these Jews were more noble than those in Thessalonica; they received the word with all eagerness, examining the Scriptures daily to see if these things were so.”

Noble: (2104- eugenes): of high moral or intellectual value. Eager to hear for the opportunity to learn.

Received: (1209- dechomai): welcome, receive favorably, give ear to, embrace.

Examine: (350- anakrino): process of careful study, evaluation and judgement, scrutinize, discern, search.

When I am sitting in a sermon I listen with appreciation of the calling that the Lord has put on the person speaking. When I am in a small group, I listen hoping to be sharpened by the iron that is sitting in front of me. Either way, I am also looking at the Word and double checking everything that I am being told. I don’t do this because I don’t trust the speaker. I do this because I respect the Word enough to ensure what the speaker is giving away is in fact the truth. It is so easy to misunderstand the Word or even misspeak. There is a phrase I often say when I am teaching, “Does that make sense?” I don’t say this because I think my listener is too stupid to understand. I say this because I have epilepsy and the occasional aphasia (trouble moving thoughts to spoken words). I want to make sure I am saying what I am intending to say. When we elect to disciple others or even teach the Word, we must be humble enough to accept correction. When we misspeak, mishandle, or break things, we must be humble enough to accept the correction and mature enough to walk out restoration.

The Bereans had the right idea. Don’t throw rocks. Welcome new things with kindness and an open mind. Be humble enough to know you don’t know everything. Also, fact check everything against the Word.

Are you a Berean?

Praying this finds you well.

-Chorley

Be sure to check out the conference that is coming up in August!

white textile

Routes of Remembrance

.Reading time 6 minutes.

Pain, Sorrow, Loss, Grief. These things are hard to walk through with grace. One of the hardest things about life is not understanding why some people leave when they do. Why one life is ended and not another. Why a strong relationship can suddenly be the past.

Over this past year I have watched much sorrow and grief. Sometimes I wish I were just hearing about these losses as I hear about the weather. That it may change how I dress for the day, but other than that I am unaffected. I wish I could just use scripture out of context and say, “Let the dead bury the dead”. That is not who the Lord has formed me to be. The Lord has formed me to, “Bear with one another’s burdens, and so fulfill the law of Christ”.

When I go to funerals, I watch the slide show with awe and wonder. I watch these snapshots from a life lived. Many of these slide shows last only 5 minutes. 5 minutes. How can you fit a life into 5 minutes? How can you share someone’s hopes, dreams, and memories of an entire life in 5 minutes? When I see their pictures holding a newborn baby, I wonder how long they prayed for that baby. I wonder if there were complications that lead them to seek the Lord. When I see wedding pictures, I wonder if the couple took every opportunity to tell each other that they love each other. I wonder if they left anything unsaid. More than anything, I watch in hopes that I will get to witness how much they loved the Lord. I will get to see how they loved. I will get to see how they served. I will get to see how they laid their life down for others. Getting to see this, is a gift that I also carry with me.

When someone we love leaves us for heaven, we all take a different route. There is the route of anger of loss. This route is not fruitful and doesn’t give a good witness to the love of the Lord or the one we lost. There is the route of denial. This route pretends everything is fine and never speaks of the one’s we have lost. There are plenty of other routes to take that I won’t go into. The route I love the most is continuing on with life and carrying those we love with us. Speaking of them. Telling others about them. Using the things they taught us. Not dwelling on their mistakes. More than anything else, sharing how the Lord used them to grow us. It is easier to do these things if we really loved them.

When I look at this route as a way to continue after the loss of a loved one, I ask… what about Jesus? Jesus died and was rose again. How do we continue on from that? Do we carry him with us in our life every day? Do we speak of him? Do we tell others about him? Do we use the things he has taught us? Do we dwell on the things he didn’t do for us? Do we share how the Lord used him to grow us?

Or… are we stuck angry about where we don’t see him? Do we live in denial of him? Is he out of sight out of mind? After all… “It is not for you to know times or seasons that the Father has fixed by his own authority. But you will receive power when the Holy Spirit has come upon you, and you will be my witnesses in Jerusalem and in all Judea and Samaria, and to the end of the earth.” “Go into all the world and proclaim the good news”

When the wind blows through the warm sheets on the line, I will remember her and know the wind obeys him.
When I tuck my child into the crisp sheets at night and smell a soft remanence of dirt, grass and rain, I will remember her and I will be reminded that they are good soil.
When the twang of a banjo cord vibrates on my thumb, I will remember her and I will sing songs of praise to God. 
When the juice of a peach runs down the blade of my paring knife, I will remember her and I will pray for a fruitful lineage. 
When I hear my children’s laughter as they run through an orchard, I will remember her and I will know that I am just on this side of Heaven; planted and waiting upon the Lord.

Selah

Chorley

photo of mountain under cloudy sky

Marriage: Part 8 Vows, Covenants, Rainbows.

.Reading time 9 minutes.

I have been writing to all of you concerning marriage. We have had 7 parts to this so far. I don’t know everything about marriage. I do know that with Christ all things are possible. I promised to send one about vows… so here you go. I pray this finds you well.

I recently had a chance to sit deeply in Numbers 30. If you have not had a chance to go through it I suggest that you do before you go any further. When I first turned to numbers 30, I noticed that it spoke of a Man’s Vows and a Woman’s Vows separately. I also noticed that the man’s section was 2 verses long. The woman’s vows, however, were 13 verses long. My gut reaction was WHY DO WE HAVE MORE RULES. Again, this is just my “strong independent woman” background speaking. We can often glimpse at something and not find it worthy of our time. Lord walk with us!

I have highlighted a few verses to share with you.

  • V2: If a man vows a vow to the LORD, or swears an oath to bind himself by a pledge, he shall not break his word. He shall do according to all that proceeds out of his mouth.
  • V8: But if, on the day that her husband comes to hear of it, he opposes her, then he makes void her vow that was on her, and the thoughtless utterance of her lips by which she bound herself. And the LORD will forgive her. 
  • V9: (But any vow of a widow or of a divorced woman, anything by which she has bound herself, shall stand against her.) 
  • V12: But if her husband makes them null and void on the day that he hears them, then whatever proceeds out of her lips concerning her vows or concerning her pledge of herself shall not stand. Her husband has made them void, and the LORD will forgive her. 
  • V15: But if he (her husband) makes them null and void after he has heard of them, then he shall bear her iniquity.”

As I slowly walked and crawled through this text, I was able to see and understand that the Lord did not set up all of these additional rules for women. The word clearly says to keep your word, your vow, your pledge.  He also gave us many opportunities to rely on the discernment and leadership of the men set over us. To protect us.

This glance over our vows and pledges reminded me of the Lord’s Covenant with us. So, I decided to look over the Covenant that the Lord spoke of. The one with Noah. You first find this mentioned in Genesis 9.

9“Behold, I establish my covenant with you and your offspring after you, 10and with every living creature that is with you, the birds, the livestock, and every beast of the earth with you, as many as came out of the ark; it is for every beast of the earth. 11I establish my covenant with you, that never again shall all flesh be cut off by the waters of the flood, and never again shall there be a flood to destroy the earth.” 12And God said, “This is the sign of the covenant that I make between me and you and every living creature that is with you, for all future generations: 13I have set my bow in the cloud, and it shall be a sign of the covenant between me and the earth. 14When I bring clouds over the earth and the bow is seen in the clouds, 15I will remember my covenant that is between me and you and every living creature of all flesh. And the waters shall never again become a flood to destroy all flesh. 16When the bow is in the clouds, I will see it and remember the everlasting covenant between God and every living creature of all flesh that is on the earth.”

I am fond of Hebrew number meaning. The number nine is associated with surrounding, fruitfulness, and finality. I had wondered why God waited so long after the fall to destroy man and then make a covenant with him. That is until I looked at it as a necessary step to finalize the period of fall of man. The entire time after Adam and Eve were deceived by the serpent up until the time waters receded… was the fall.  

I wanted to dig into this Covenant sign a little. God says that he has set his bow in the cloud, as a sign of the Covenant. This bow is often translated as a rainbow. The Hebrew word is qesheth. Which means bow, arch, bend. The physics behind a rainbow are even more fascinating. The blue base (foundation) color of a rainbow bends at exactly 40 degrees. (40 is a popular number!) Three things are required for one to see a rainbow.

  1. The sun must be behind you.
  2. Raindrops in the sky in front of you
  3. Sunlight must be able to reach the raindrops without any obstruction.

Now read those three things from a spiritual perspective.

  1. The Son must be radiating behind you. Warming your back and lighting your path.
  2. The living water that comes from above must be in front of you.
  3. Obstructions of you and your life or your sin can not be placed between his light and his living water.

Lord walk with us. I can’t read this list of seeing a rainbow without weeping over his perfect creations. His perfect sign. His perfect covenant.

When we look at this all as a whole, we can understand that our vows need to be kept. That out fathers and our husbands are meant to protect us in these vows. That our fathers and our husbands will have to bear our inequity when they have us break our vows. That the original covenant sign is one bending to another without obstruction. This is Chesed love!

Do you keep your vows?

Do you (rely on/allow) your (father/spouse) to protect you in these vows?

Do you work hard to bend into your spouse?

When your spouse bends into you, do you remove obstructions?

Grace & Peace

Chorley

Head over to the Distaff & Spindle to grab one of the new “Covenant” shirts!

Selling shirts is how I keep the content free and ad free.

Covenant
white tent in the middle of forest

Marriage Part 2: Storge’

.Reading time 8 minutes.

Just to recap…

The last post that I made was Marriage Part 1. I want to remind you all that I am in no way a marriage expert. I am an imperfect woman married to an imperfect man. In Part 1, I walked through the 4 types of love that we find in a marriage. I gave just a small section on each love. Now, I will dive into each one with you very slowly and talk about how we can assess this in our marriage.

Part 2: Storge’

After reading (well, listening to) C.S. Lewis discuss the four loves, I have a refreshed take on them. I want to share where I have landed the plane and how we walk this out in our marriages. I start with storge’ because Lewis did. He did it for specific reasons. Storge’ is the Family/ Protective love. You can pinpoint when you became friends with someone or when you began intimacy or when you chose them over you. Pinpointing the very moment that someone became family is a very different matter. At first, I didn’t agree that this was a reality. Then I tried to remember at what point my friend Debbie became my family. I couldn’t tell you. Just suddenly one day, she was family.

Storge’ love finds us doing things to protect those we love. We don’t do these things out of lordship or authority, rather we do them out of responsibility. It is my responsibility to teach my children about the Lord just as much as it is my responsibility to teach them how to dress appropriately. The difference in responsibility and authority is that I don’t Lord my decisions over them and I allow them to walk in the freedom of their choices (with reason). I don’t make every decision for them out of my responsibility to protect them. In a marriage we can assess how we are doing on this type of love. We do this best by first laying out who is doing (or not doing) what. I often refer to this love as the hotdog underwear. I share this with many women I teach this to. In our home, laundry is generally my job. It is this way because My husband works 10-15 hour days usually 5 days a week. I am retired from the military, so I am home more than him. When I am slacking on this duty, my husband will kindly say, “I am on hotdog underwear”. This means that he is on his last pair of clean underwear, which happen to have a hotdog pattern. He hates these underwear because of the fit and length. However, I don’t get rid of them because if he didn’t hate them, he might not tell me. Then I might not immediately throw a load in the wash.

This may sound different. I protect my family with clean clothes. I protect my family with warm meals. I protect my family with smart financial decisions. I protect my family with healthy boundaries. I protect my family’s mental health. I protect my family’s physical health. When I say protect, I mean I love and care for them in this so much that I am willing to do more. More without resentment or bitterness.

My family does not need to have the newest clothes, but I protect them by making sure they have what they need. My family does not need to have the biggest and nicest house, but I protect them by making sure it is a warm home where they feel safe. My family doesn’t need a million-dollar paycheck, but I take care of them by making sure all our bills are paid before any “extras” are purchased. My family may want every extended family member in their life, but I protect them by setting healthy boundaries with flakey, irresponsible or even dangerous family members. When we first lay out our responsibilities and discuss our role in the marriage, we can see if there is an even distribution of duty. After laying out responsibilities we can dig into our financial decisions, discuss unrealistic expectations we may have of each other, mental health and stability, physical health and caregiver roles.

So ask yourself a few questions.

What are your responsibilities?

What are your spouse’s responsibilities?

Are all parties aware of their responsibilities?

Are you putting any unrealistic expectations on each other?

Am I seeking to protect their mental health and physical health?

Has mental health or physical health issues put a strain on us?

Are you in agreement about your financial choices?

Once all of this is done, each spouse can rate how they believe the couple is doing in this love on a scale of 1-10. We don’t rate the husband, we don’t rate the wife. We rate the marriage. Then we discuss how we can progress.

I am very intentional about not giving a specific scripture to cling to on this. BECAUSE… no one is married to Mike Chorley except me. The voice of the Lord may be different for me than it would be for someone else because I am married to someone else. What I do encourage everyone do, find a scripture that models this love well for your marriage. One the Lord revealed to YOU. Then when things come up that start to rock your marriage, add another scripture to this Storge’ section. When you pray for your marriage, read these scriptures. When the Lord gives you these scriptures and you see the kingdom break through in your marriage praise God for that pillar of faith in your marriage.

Make sure to download the PDF from the beginning of this series. When you decided on the scripture for your Storge’, write it under your Storge’ section. I will provide an example of a couple of mine in a PDF below.

REMEMBER!

PROTECT WHAT IS INSIDE YOUR TENT, KNOW WHAT IS OUTSIDE OF YOUR TENT.

Grace & Peace

Chorley

chorley-storgeDownload

Marriage: Part 1

.Reading time 8 minutes.

Marriage is hard. Marriage is sweet. Marriage is biblical. Marriage is a choice. I have been married for sixteen years. I am not the perfect wife by any means. I am also not married to the perfect husband. However, we are both married to the one that is perfect for us. We have had times where we failed each other and had to seek forgiveness. We both deployed to Iraq in 2005 and were not always stationed near each other. There were times that situations, bombings, and firefights happened and neither of us were sure if the other would make it back to the base alive. He also sat by my bed when I was in a medically induced coma just days after the birth of our son. We both live with post-traumatic stress disorders, traumatic brain injuries, anxiety, depression, and chronic pain. We have seasons where one is doing better than the other, both are struggling, or both are good. No matter what season we are in I am thankful that I have someone by my side.

Two are better than one, because they have good return for their work: If one falls down, his friend can lift him up. But pity the man who falls and has no one to help him up! Also, if two lie sown together, they will keep warm. But how can one keep warm alone? Though one may be overpowered, two can defend themselves. A cord of three stands is not quickly broken. Ecclesiastes 4:9-12

When I was being discipled, I was taught a tool for marriage. This tool is known as the marriage square. The tool basically teaches that there are four loves. (If you have never read C.S. Lewis’ Four loves, I strongly recommend it. It is available on audible!) This tool teaches that AGAPE feeds the STORGE, EROS, and PHILEO in our marriages. When Rachel taught me this tool, I told her that it was good info about the types of love, but I didn’t think it was practical. She responded with, “Then change it. Find a way to make it practical.” SO, that is what I am going to share with yall. This will be a multi-series because there is a lot of information and homework with each of these.

Most of my childhood is filled with trauma, abuse, sexual disfunction and promiscuity. I was never taught about healthy intimacy or marriage growing up. My parents divorced when I was two. My mom divorced her second husband when he went to jail for child molestation. Then, I watched my mother go through three more marriages. My mother came from an alcoholic and abusive home. I believe that many children are taught how to be married and what is important in a marriage. My husband came from two people that are still married 40+ years later who came from parents who died married. My husband’s parents were raised Catholic. I don’t know if this has anything to do with their commitment. I do know that divorce is way less acceptable in the Catholic culture. I bring up the stark contrast of our upbringing for many reasons. One is that Marriage is often generational. Two: Just because people stay married till death, does not mean that it is a healthy marriage. Going through this process of finding out about different marital loves and how to walk it out has transformed my marriage to look less like the World and more like the Word.

For this 1st part of the series I am going to do a small break down of the four different types of love that we are going to go through.

  • STORGE’
  • PHILEO
  • EROS
  • AGAPE’

Storge’ is a family love. If you search through the Bible, you will not find it. However, you will find it attached to different words. In Romans 1:31 and in 2 Timothy 3:3 you find ASTORGOS. This is defined as heartless. In other books you find PHILEOSTORGOS, brotherly love. While, you cannot find this type of love by spelling; you can find it in concept that is built by the context of the situation of the word. We see Noah have this love for his family during the flood. We see Ruth have this type of love for Naomi. We see Martha and Mary have this kind of love for Lazarus. This love is protective, caring and responsible.

Phileo is the friendly love. You will find this type of love in the Bible and you will find it attached to many other words. The most notable place for this word is when I read Peter’s response to Jesus asking him if he loves him. Jesus asked him if he loved (agape) him, Peter responds that he loves (phileo) him. Phileo is loyal, truthful, and honest.

Eros is the intimate love. I use the word intimate because intimacy is more than sex. The sexual and intimate relationship between a husband and wife is one that has to be nurtured, guarded, and exclusive. Things that impact this love are sex, health, past trauma, porn, adulty, social media, and identity.

The last type of love is agape’. Agape is a sacrificial love. This is the I choose you over me. I think of the traditional vows. I take____ to be my wedded___, to have and to hold from this day forward, for better, for worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness and in health, to love and to cherish, till death do us part. All of these types of love are crucial to a healthy marriage. The agape feeds the “reason” of all the others. As in, I do these others because I choose you over me because I love you more than I love myself.

After all the loves have been discussed, the next thing that gets discussed is:

  • The husband spiritually leading the wife
  • The wife submitting to the husband’s authority

I pray this finds you and your marriage well. If you have any questions make sure to either drop a comment or email me at Andi@andichorley.com

Grace & Peace

Chorley

The next part of this series is: Marriage: Part 2 Storge’ Download this PDF in preparation for the next part in the series.

marriage-square-pdfDownload
woman walking on dirt road

Filling the Valleys

.Reading time 9 minutes.

The voice of the one crying in the wilderness: Prepare the way of the Lord, make his paths straight. Every valley shall be filled, and every mountain and hill shall be made low, and the crooked shall become straight, and the rough places shall become level ways, and all flesh shall see the salvation of God. Luke 3:4-6

A voice cries: “In the wilderness prepare the way of the Lord; make straight in the desert a highway for our God. Every valley shall be lifted up, and every mountain and hill be made low; the uneven ground shall become level, and the rough places a plain. And the glory of the Lord shall be revealed, and all flesh shall see it together, for the mouth of the Lord has spoken. Isaiah 40:3-5

There are slight differences in these texts. However, John was still quoting the book of Isaiah. Often when share scripture and we don’t know the exact words or the address where to find them. I don’t have a great memory and I don’t remember every verse I have ever read. I have never even memorized an entire chapter of the word. I am not sure if it is a side effect of my epilepsy or if I am just not disciplined enough. Either way, I don’t feel and shame or condemnation for it. I know for a fact that If I am meant to remember something in the Word, the Holy Spirit will remind me . I know this because the word tells us this in John 14

“These things I have spoken to you while I am still with you. But the helper, the Holy Spirit, whom my Father will send in my name, he will teach you all things and bring to your remembrance all that I have said to you. – verse 25-26

I have had many conversations with women lately about biblical literacy. One thing that has not been pushed for women in the church, is biblical literacy. We have these events and conferences and they are great. I am not saying they are not. One thing I always take away is that I am fearfully and wonderfully made and chosen and a daughter of a king and fearless. While these things are true, what do I cling to when things are hard. What do I cling to when I am struggling to see how the Lord’s will is for my benefit? What do I cling to when my marriage is not peaceful? What do I cling to when motherhood is stressful but I know I should just be grateful? What do I cling to when I have stumbled and fallen and I am struggling to get up because I cant bring myself to look up and see my Fathers hand reaching out to pull me back up. Knowing that I am a daughter of a king or fearfully and wonderfully made or chosen, does not always fill me up. Sometimes I need the hard truths to fill me up. Sometimes I need to know that I am walking in disobedience. Sometimes I need to know that I have unrepented sin holding me back. Sometimes I need to forgive hurt that others have caused. I learn these thing by being in the word. I listened to a song recently that said, “No body gives you a book with all the answers to life”. That’s a lie. The fact is that we often don’t like to open the book and find the answer.

In the past, I have had years, months, days, even hours of living in valleys. I think everyone reading this can think of a time in their life that they were living in a valley. I know that mental and physical health can be one of the first things to pull us into a valley.

I recently went camping with three spiritual families. It was amazing. While camping we went hiking at the Talimena State Park, in Oklahoma. I recommend hiking here to anyone! While driving (I was a passenger) through the area I would be texting and using the GPS. Every time we would drive through a valley I would lose service and be unable to contact the other vehicles or see the map on the GPS. This made a few difficulties and wrong turns… but we kept going. We eventually made it to our destination. It made for an interesting drive and we saw things we would not have seen had we been able to see the map; including a meat market with a massage parlor inside. Yep. That’s right.

A valley is not always as blissful as the one we drove through. More often it is a hard struggle that tries to shake our faith and hope. Bad health diagnosis with no hope in sight is often one of the bigger struggles. Losing my dear friend to Jesus after a long battle with cancer chained me in a valley for a while. Losing a child, parent or friend can keep us focused on our loss and not God’s gain. Anxiety and depression can make us feel far from God’s ear because we can struggle to lift our voice to him.

I once read a devotional from Charles Spurgeon that talked about ways that we fight to get out of valleys. One thing was; Low and groveling thoughts of God must be raised. The idea that God can’t help us or doesn’t love us; has to be removed from our brain. The respect and acceptance of his will in our life and other’s has to be carefully considered always. Doubt and despair must be removed. This idea of “woe me” can be changed by meditating on the trials and persecution of Jesus and his disciples. We can look to 1 peter and take heart knowing that God knew there would be trials and it is all temporary. I am not saying that anxiety and depression or grief disappear, but it makes the climb out easier when we are looking up. Self-seeking has to be forsaken. Giving up our will and desires for his, is hard but a worthy task. Grace must be raised. When we are frustrated with our children, our spouse, other believers, non-believers… are we really giving them the grace God has given us? Or are we allowing out lack of grace to keep us in chains of unforgiveness while living in a state of unhumility of our own actions?

I pray this finds you well and not in a valley. If it finds you in a valley, I hope you find it timely.

Grace & Peace.

Chorley

wooden chair in dark room

Empty Chairs

.Reading time 8 minutes.

Where do conferences fit into Discipleship?

The first conference that I ever went to for Discipleship was at the Discipleship.org conference in Nashville. The trip was one to remember. There were two 15 passenger vans full of people that were currently walking in Discipleship relationships. The men were walking with our Pastor and the women were walking with his (the Pastor’s) wife. We got in the vans in Harrah Oklahoma at 6am and arrived in Nashville that evening. We got to stay at a Hostile right in the middle of Nashville over off Broadway. The Hostile was a great place that allowed us to have conversations with people that we wouldn’t normally get to, had we been at an AirBnB.

The main speakers at the conference included Robert Coleman, Jim Putman, Bill Hull, and many other very qualified disciple makers. The main speakers had great things to say that were rooted in truth and rooted in the Word. Not every other speaker in the breakout sessions were that way. I quietly walked out of a couple breakout sessions because things were said that I did not believe lined up with the Word. I did not seek anyone out to inform them of the fallacies that were shared. I did not find that to be a fruitful endeavor. I did what I do with many things I read, watch, or listen to; I kept the good and I tossed the rest.

The things that I witnessed about the convention, was that the most fruitful part of the conference was not necessarily the speakers, the book vendors, or the snacks. The most fruitful thing that I took away from the conference was the one-on-one conversations about Jesus. I was able to partake in these conversations and watch others do the same thing. The unfortunate situation with having so many breakout sessions is that it is impossible for an attendee to hear every speaker and teaching.

Conferences don’t always seem like they fit into ministry, church, or discipleship. One thing that I know is that Jesus did not meet his Disciples at the temple. He met them in life and at events. We read in Luke 5 that Jesus healed a paralytic while he was preaching to a crowd, that was again, not at the temple. We read in Luke 6 that Jesus came down from the mountain to a great crowd and choose his disciples. We read in John 4 that Jesus met a woman at a well to give her the good news. Over and over, we see Jesus doing more Kingdom work outside of the temple. Is that the model that we should be following? Yes.

Mission is so important to ministry. If we are not engaging in mission, are we just building a kingdom with walls around it? We were never meant to come to church once a week to worship God. We were made to worship God. (if you didn’t notice, there was a period at the end of that sentence) It is possible to worship God at church, at home, at school, at work, in the car, at the store, and even at a conference. Our worship does not stop when we walk out the doors on Sunday. We were also never told to only find fellow believers at the temple. The word tells us “Go into all the world and proclaim the Gospel to the whole creation”. The key word here is GO.

I walk with women. I pour into other women daily. I also have amazing women around me that pour into me. I always have the thought in the back of my mind, “other women need this”. I know many women who don’t have anyone pouring into them. This creates a dull pain in my heart for them. They don’t know how sweet an intimate(not sexual) relationship with other women who love Jesus can be. I have recently been in Hebrews 10.

And let us consider how to stir up one another to love and good works, not neglecting to meet together as is the habit of some, but encouraging one another and all the more as you see the Day drawing near.    Hebrews 10:24-25.

Every time I have been in small groups talking about Jesus or big conferences talking about Jesus, the one thing that I always hear is, I left so encouraged. I believe in relational Discipleship. However, I also believe in getting together in big groups to speak with people who don’t necessarily believe the way we do or have the same tools that we do. This fosters cross pollination. I love learning from other women. I hear a lot of people say, we don’t speak from experience. However, that is not a hard fast rule. When I know someone is struggling to find their identity in Christ, I know what scripture to give them because I have experience in helping women with this. We read books from Disciple Makers because they are subject matter experts… from experience. Granted, it is often rooted in the word, it is still their experience. Sharing out experiences in disciple making and ministry can be encouraging to other women if we are focused on growth of the kingdom and spiritual growth.

Where we should see Deborahs, Priscillas and Phoebes sitting, there is often an empty chair. Hearing other women teach the Word is so nurturing to my soul. Women teaching is rarely something that happens in majority of churches. If this happened more, it could encourage other women to teach with all authority. If more women taught with all authority we would see more women Discipling with all authority. However, I urge you to walk with caution, humbleness, and always remembering the Glory of God above you.

How are you helping to build the Kingdom?

What is your mission?

How do you walk that out?

What resources do you need to seek out?

Grace & Peace

Chorley

Kingdom movers, rarely ask for permission.

grayscale photography of woman inside jail

Praising Through Pain

.Reading time 6 minutes.

This past month has come with a lot of highs and a lot of lows. I wish I could say that once you become a Disciple of Jesus everything becomes easy. Ha! That is just not the truth. There are still struggles for all of us. The difference is that a Disciple of Jesus knows that the Lord is perfect in our weakness. We also know that because our hope is in him and not in how we feel. I have had (diagnosed) PTSD since 2008. Through a series of life events my body decided to live in a hypervigilant state. This caused other medical issues. Then in 2018 I was diagnosed with fibromyalgia. This was a whole new set of medical issues. I don’t say this in a manner of woe me. It is quite the contrary. I say this as in I have this Hope that can not be shaken; even when my PTSD is making my brain unbalanced or when my body hurts too bad to sleep. We know that because our hope is in him and not in how we feel momentarily. One thing that I have learned through loosing many people I love; pain is relative and momentary.

Pain can be used to debilitate us or show the Glory of God. When I think about life struggles and pain I always think of Job. I think of him trying everything he can to minister to his children and then dying. I think about him loosing his home, his wealth, and everything that he once considered a blessing in his life. I think about those in his life that try to tell him that he has caused this suffering. I think about the doubt that those around him try to plant in his mind. I think about his wavering doubt. Well, what I read as a wavering doubt. THEN… I think of how God answered him. God did not just tell him what he wanted to hear. God also did not just reverse everything that had happened. God still answered him. I always have to ask myself; how does God answer me? He answers me in his Word. He tells me of his love for me in his Word. He comforts me in his Word. He shows me his power in his Word. He reminds me of pillars of faith that have been built from his Word. (…and the Word became flesh and dwelt among them.) I have to remind myself to not do as Adam did. I can not hide my nakedness from the Lord. I bring my nakedness to him, and he clothes me in his sacrifices.

I heard a preacher speak on prison gates this past weekend. I think he did a great job. Mainly because he stuck mostly to the Word. I respect that. He talked of Acts 16. I encourage you to go read it. (Don’t just assume I am correct!) In Acts 16 we read about the prisoners singing at midnight. When they sing the prison walls begin to shake and the gates are opened. I have read this before, but I don’t think my heart was really ready to hear it. When I heard it this weekend I just wept. I wept at the thought that those that cry out to the Lord will be freed.

Physical pain and mental health are real medical problems. I am not saying that when you cry out to the Lord you will no longer feel pain. I m not saying that when you cry out to the Lord you will no longer have mental health issues. What I am saying is that it is possible to still cry out to the Lord and sing his praises even when you are restrained by worldly circumstances.

Remember that these men were beaten and in pain. They did not sing praises to relieve the pain or open their gates. They sang praises to sing praises to the Lord! They also did not stop singing and run away the minute that the gates opened. Instead, they did the work of our Father. They witnessed of the Lord’s great power AND mercy. THEN the one that once stood guard outside their gate was transformed by the power of the Lord and washed their wounds.

What gates are holding you in?

Do you sing praises to sing praises to the Lord?

What wounds do you need washed?

Grace & Peace

Chorley

I pray this finds you well. Be sure to check out the new playlist on the home page. I will also be releasing a new shirt next week! Check out the shop!