Tag: andi chorley

Sentimental Stones

.Reading time 12 minutes.

I recently sold a bunk bed. When I see these words in print, they seem like small talk. They seem like the sort of thing you tell a friend while catching up at a coffee date. It is just furniture. However, every time I have tried to say them out loud, I can feel a dry lump in my throat. A lump that must be big because I know it is the force that is holding back a flood of tears. So, instead I don’t say it out loud. I just talk about my girls new beds. Don’t be confused, I am not overly sentimental. Most people in my generation grew up in houses filled with stuff and knick-knacks and try to be more minimal as adults. I have very few things from my childhood. No 80s toys, No baby blankies, No pictures. Everything I have almost makes it seem as if I didn’t exist before 2004. Some sort of witness protection plan.

I am coming to understand that the things that I am sentimental about are more like the stones at the Jordan river. The things that remind us of struggles and triumphs. The things that remind us of where the Lord has brought us through. The proof of what we believe and why we believe it.

I have this brown bowl in my kitchen. I think it probably came out in the 60s and most likely has lead paint. I keep it put away and ask my family to not use it as I don’t want it to get broke. It was my grandmother’s grapefruit bowl. Well, she would usually have a bowl of smacks cereal, then a grapefruit. She taught me about resilience and a quiet strength that is required to survive. She taught me to be grateful for even hard times because that is how we are refined. She tried to teach me that I didn’t have to have the last word… It would take decades for that to sink in. I am sentimental about that bowl.

I have a piece of the bomb that blew up my husband in 2006. It isn’t to remember the anxiety of standing in a guard tower for 6 hours watching the smoke in the distance and not knowing if he had been put in a body bag yet. It is to remind me of what I felt when I saw him again. 8 hours after the blast came over the radio, I was leaving for a security patrol out the gate when his convoy came through the gates. I first saw his big recovery truck mangled being towed by a recovery tank. You could see that the blast went right under the driver’s seat… his seat. I didn’t see him…and my chest felt so heavy I couldn’t breathe. Then I looked behind the truck and I saw him walking. His uniform was almost black and torn in a few places. His flak vest was hanging off him. He had his helmet in one hand and his rifle in the other. I didn’t run to him, and he didn’t run to me. We simply gave each other a nod that said everything that couldn’t be verbalized. The nod that gave us both the confidence to keep going. Then I drove out the gate down the road he just came from. I am sentimental about that scrap of metal.

Then I have these bunk beds… well had. We bought these beds in 2012 when we moved back to Oklahoma. We were staying with my dad while we were waiting to find a house here. My husband and I stayed on the bottom bunk and my son stayed on the top bunk. Then we bought a house and the bunk beds became my sons big boy beds in his own big boy room. This is the bed I tucked my son into for years. The years where I was lost, unhappy, and often drunk. This was his bed I woke him up in on his very first day of school. Then we ended up moving my son to another room and gave the bed to my youngest. My youngest who screamed and cried nonstop for a few years, so someone usually had to sleep in there with her. I would pray while holding her through her fits of rage until she passed out. I prayed that God would heal her little body. My in-laws slept in it when they would visit. They slept in it when they stayed here and helped me through a neck surgery, through a shoulder surgery, through cancer removal surgery, through a hysterectomy, through implant removal surgery. Army friends slept in it when they would stop in to reminisce the old days. There was also a time when marriage was especially hard. Times when my husband and I wouldn’t talk for days at a time. Times when I was just broken. During these times, I slept in this bed. I would cry myself to sleep and beg God to heal my husband, heal me, and heal our family. It was in this bed that I begged God to take my life if he wouldn’t heal my broken mind. The bed became a place of prayer for me.

Well, both of my girls will now be homeschooled, and I wanted to get them both beds with desks. So, the old bunk beds needed to go. When I listed the bed for sale, it took a few weeks to sell. I sold it to a nice family of 7. When they picked it up, I forgot the ladder and had to take them the ladder. While getting the ladder out of my SUV, I saw a place where my middle child had written, “I love you God”. It was on the underside of the bottom ladder step. (I knew it was her because she has written on most things in our home over the years.) Every memory of this bed flashed through my mind, and I almost lost it in the parking lot. Apparently, I am sentimental about that bed. After I put the ladder in the new owner’s car, I walked back to my car as I could feel tears well up in my eyes.

While I know that my family is far from perfect and we are continuing to be healed by God, I know we are also living answered prayers. Prayers that were spoken from that bed. I was suddenly emotional over a piece of furniture, but it was really that I was emotional over the reminder of what the LORD has done in my family. I was emotional over how far he has brought us. I was emotional over a God that has allowed us to live in a valley, so that when we are on a mountain, we will remember him. Then, I was reminded of Jacob’s rest and the ladder in his dream. Most of all I was reminded of what he said after his rest.

“Surely the Lord is in this place, and I did not know it.” (Genesis 28:16)

I have been on a long sabbatical since January 1st. After doing ministry for 7 years, I needed a long rest. Over the span of seven years I walked in discipling relationships with 18 women and 4 men, I led dozens of teens in student discipleship, I was a youth camp counselor for 4 years, I taught in kids ministry, I led worship on Sundays, I became a speaker at a family camp, and I organized and preached at 3 women’s conferences. On top of that I was also busy with non-ministry things. Years of coaching soccer teams. Being the president of a soccer club. Serving in random PTA functions. Advocating for my kids education. Running a small business. Being a wife, mom, friend, daughter. Doing all the things, ministry and other things, started to make me tired and I felt far from God. To say I needed rest, was an understatement. I have had a good rest over the last 7 months. I have been waiting for the Lord to bring me out of rest. I have been waiting for the sign to “get up”. Watching the bed leave has told me that my rest is coming to an end. Watching our ladder leave has reminded me of the presence of God in my life. I didn’t know what the Lord wanted to show me during the rest. Apparently, he wanted to remind me of the things he has done and that he has never been far from me. Being reminded of what Jacob said has shown me that when I do come out of rest, I just want to be where the Lord is. There are many things that I don’t plan to do anymore. Some are ministry things, some are not. However, whatever I find myself doing, I just want to be where the Lord is. Anything that reminds me of the Lord and his goodness and his faithfulness, I plan to be sentimental about that.

Straining for the Hem

.Reading time 7 minutes.

Open. Honest. Vulnerable. It has been a trying couple of years. There have been a lot of highs and lows. The highs have been amazing. The lows have been debilitating. While I was supported by many; there were people I loved that dusted their feet of me. People I didn’t know opened their doors and people I loved shut the gate on my face. It was a hard wilderness to walk through. Miraculously, the Lord has restored many of those relationships that were torn by misunderstandings and missteps. I am always full of joy when I think about the fact that I serve a God of restoration.

In 2016 a women made a choice to invest in my life. She asked me to follow her as she followed Jesus. Then I made the choice to dedicate my life to doing the same for other women. I know it is a calling on my life as much as I know my blood is red. Within a year of her releasing me to invest in other women, she passed away. It was the hardest loss I have ever felt. After spending a lot of time at war in Iraq, I got accustomed to losing friends in battle and still continuing my mission. This loss was harder for me to walk through because this is a woman who taught me about the healing of Christ’s hem. The healing that comes from reaching out to him… from just being near him. The tears I continue to cry for her are tears of love and gratitude. A huge thing she taught me was Lordship. Allowing Christ alone to have Lordship in my life. Not people, things, or situations. This was paramount in continuing to walk with Christ once my spiritual parent passed away.

I recently had to walk through a hard situation. In my frustration I told a friend that possesses great godly reason, that I was tired if doing this and didn’t want to do discipleship anymore. In my weakness… I felt done. She called out lies I was believing and gave me scripture. This is what is different about conversations with women who sit at the feet of Jesus. They call out sin. They call out lies. They call out the true enemy.

Then… I had D-group today. We talked through the Shema and Lordship. It was a great reminder for me. What is on the forefront of my mind? What is leading my thoughts and actions? I had allowed my situation to have Lordship in my life. The voice of the Lord for me became clear. If I believe that Jesus is Lord of my life, my current situation does not get to decide if I will continue to make Disciples of Jesus. I had to change my view and return to looking at Christ and reach out to him. In the thick of hard things, we have to strain for him. This is true repentance.

After sitting in this, one of the women I am walking with gave me a gift that hit me so fast I couldn’t catch my breath. It was a print of a picture I sent her a while back. It is a drawing of Matthew 9:20-22. How could someone draw something from 3 verses in such a way as to steal the air from my lungs? Art is funny like that. Seeing the power from these 3 verses drawn out is the reminder of Christ’s healing that I need daily.

And behold, a woman who had suffered from a discharge of blood for twelve years came up behind him and touched the fringe of his garment, for she said to herself, “If I only touch his garment, I will be made well.” Jesus turned, and seeing her he said, “Take heart, daughter; your faith has made you well.” And instantly the woman was made well.

If I only touch his garment, I will be made well. Having enough faith in Christ to believe that all you have to do is strain and reach even just the hem of his garment is so powerful. Him being aware of suffering and affliction by her mere touch is powerful. Him allowing her faith to bring her healing is powerful. Him calling her daughter IS POWERFUL.

Take heart… tharséō (“emboldened to show courage”) refers to God bolstering the believer, empowering them with a bold inner-attitude (to be “of good courage”). For the believer, 2293 /tharséō (“showing boldness”) is the result of the Lord infusing His strength by His inworking of faith (“inbirthed persuasion,” 4102 /pístis). Showing this unflinching, bold courage means living out the inner confidence (inner bolstering) that is Spirit-produced. [from Bible hub & stongs concordance]

Show courage, have a bold inner-attitude from the Lord infusing His strength by His in working of faith because you have been made well.

LORD, let me strain daily for the hem of your garment. Let me strain daily for your for healing. Let me strain daily for your restoration. Let me strain daily for you. You are the God who sees me. You are the God who heals.

I pray this finds you well.

I pray you surround yourself with women who sit at the feet of Jesus, and point you to his hem.

-Chorley

woman kneeling in desert

You Are a Difference Maker

.Reading time 7 minutes.

Sometimes we get caught up in so much and start to lose focus of the fact that we are a difference maker. There is this strange phenomenon going on… we have come to believe that just because we don’t believe that the things we are doing are important, we are not difference makers. If we don’t have kids, if we aren’t married, if we don’t have a discipleship group, if we don’t work outside of the home, if we don’t work inside of the home, if we are struggling with our health, depression, anxiety, or you just feel hidden. Everything you do makes a difference.

I believe the best way to tell you the truth is to show you in the Word. The Old Testament is my happy place. So that is where I will take you.

The Israelites spent years jumping in and out of slavery. This is exhausting for a person, and so much more exhausting for an entire race. For a race to know their history and know how often they return to slavery has got to start to wear down faith, trust and hope. I can see how they might think, “why bother”. The hidden people we see in the Old Testament that were seemingly unimportant were difference makers. Adam hid his shame in the garden. Moses hid in Midian. Josephs own brothers hid him in a well. Daniel was hidden in a lion’s den. Jael was hidden in a tent. Deborah was hidden behind Barak. Naomi was hidden by grief. They all had seasons of hiding. They also had seasons being difference makers.

One of the biggest difference makers in the Old Testament is a woman named Hadassah. She was a Jew who had been orphaned from her parents who came from the Tribe of Benjamin. The Tribe of Bengamin has a very colorful history. We see this in Judges 20-21. (please go read this story) Gibeah from the Tribe of Bengamin started a war by assaulting and killing a concubine. Then years later when the Tribe of Bengamin has been over taken by the Persians, Hadassah found herself a thousand miles from home hiding her identity. She hides her identity and even changes her name to Esther. I know many of you have read the story of Esther. Looking deep into the scriptures we can find out many intresting things about Hadassah.

Hadassah was a direct decedent of King Saul. We see that she was not only orphaned from her mother, but also her father. This was most likely from the military siege lead by King Nebuchadnezzar. Hadassah along with her uncle had been carried away to Persia by King Nebuchadnezzar with Jeconiah the king of Judah. The tribe of Benjamin fell under the rule of the Tribe of Judah in 930 B.C. and both were taken captive in 586 B.C. Hadassah and her uncle never returned to Jerusalem. God’s name was never recorded in her story. Hadassah did not enter a beauty contest. Her uncle did not desire this for her. She was taken. Taken. Put in Custody. She was placed in the custody of Hegai and was forced to “please him”. We don’t have a lot of context for what all would be included in “pleasing” your captor. she was held by Hegai for 12 months before going to see the king.

When we look back at the words and prophecy of Daniel 9, we know that Christ is coming from the line of David. In Esther we see that there is not only a plot to kill all of the Jews in Persia, but also to kill all of the Jews in the world. This would annihilate the lineage of David. However, we also see a woman that was taken away from her heritage, her people, who was hidden away. A woman who waited, watched, fasted, prayed: for just the right moment. When her uncle warns her that her silence may not save her, she finds her voice. He tells her that it is every aspect of her life that has brought her to this moment. Every hard thing and every blessing in her life has brought her to this moment.

Many of the things in our life that seem like a bad lot, are not. We always have the opportunity to make a difference with the Lot that we have been cast. Every negative thing in your life is for a reason. You don’t know freedom until you have been captive. You don’t know health until you have been sick. You don’t know love until you have faced loss. you don’t appreciate water until you have walked in the desert. You don’t respect guidance until you have wondered in the wilderness. You don’t understand loyalty until you have been betrayed. The choices you make today will have ripples that you may never get to see. The fruit of your obedience may be enjoyed by those you never meet.

I have repeatedly referred to her as Hadassah and not Esther because I want to encourage you to know who the Lord made you to be. If he has made you a new creation, walk in that authority. Remember what you have walked through and continue to walk out of captivity. Wait patiently for the Lord’s timing. We will have seasons of hiding and seasons of speaking. In his timing you come out of hiding, in his timing your voice is powerful. Seek the welfare of your people, speak peace to your people, but be ready to lay your life down. Your silence is loud.

silhouette of man

The Honorable Bereans

.Reading time 4 minutes.

I am one of those that does not trust easy. I am not sure if it is due to my childhood, life trauma, or the simple fact that the world is full of evil men and there is a very real and deceptive devil who seeks to steal, kill and destroy. I don’t walk into every situation assuming that someone is lying. Rather I walk into every situation hoping that they are not. Hoping of course with my own due diligence.

James 3:8 tells us that NO human can tame the tongue.

Jeremiah 17:9 tells us that the heart is deceitful.

When Paul went to Thessalonica he preached for 3 Sabbaths. He reasoned with them from the Scriptures, explaining and proving that it was necessary for Christ to suffer and to rise from the dead. Many came to believe. Jews and Greeks. However, some Jews got Jealous and formed a mob and essentially ran Paul and Silas out of town. The next place they stop is about 35 miles away in the city of Berea. The word says that Paul again went to the Jewish synagogue first. Considering Paul’s background, this makes sense. We then see that the Bereans are considered more noble that the thessalonians because of how they handle the words that Paul brings to them. Acts 17:11 reads, “Now these Jews were more noble than those in Thessalonica; they received the word with all eagerness, examining the Scriptures daily to see if these things were so.”

Noble: (2104- eugenes): of high moral or intellectual value. Eager to hear for the opportunity to learn.

Received: (1209- dechomai): welcome, receive favorably, give ear to, embrace.

Examine: (350- anakrino): process of careful study, evaluation and judgement, scrutinize, discern, search.

When I am sitting in a sermon I listen with appreciation of the calling that the Lord has put on the person speaking. When I am in a small group, I listen hoping to be sharpened by the iron that is sitting in front of me. Either way, I am also looking at the Word and double checking everything that I am being told. I don’t do this because I don’t trust the speaker. I do this because I respect the Word enough to ensure what the speaker is giving away is in fact the truth. It is so easy to misunderstand the Word or even misspeak. There is a phrase I often say when I am teaching, “Does that make sense?” I don’t say this because I think my listener is too stupid to understand. I say this because I have epilepsy and the occasional aphasia (trouble moving thoughts to spoken words). I want to make sure I am saying what I am intending to say. When we elect to disciple others or even teach the Word, we must be humble enough to accept correction. When we misspeak, mishandle, or break things, we must be humble enough to accept the correction and mature enough to walk out restoration.

The Bereans had the right idea. Don’t throw rocks. Welcome new things with kindness and an open mind. Be humble enough to know you don’t know everything. Also, fact check everything against the Word.

Are you a Berean?

Praying this finds you well.

-Chorley

Be sure to check out the conference that is coming up in August!

beach black and white clouds dawn

Temptation to abandon our Identity.

.Reading time 8 minutes.

Have you reached the point that the devil no longer tempts you? Do you walk an uninterrupted life? One of the most influential books that I have ever read was, The Screwtape Letters by C.S. Lewis. The book is written from the perspective of a devil (Screwtape) to his young nephew (Wormword), a devil in training. It lays out the trickery and coercion of the devil. And repeatedly refers to God as the enemy. Because after all, God is the Devils enemy. If the devil is not after you, then he may not see you as a threat. If you are not a threat against him… are you an ally?

I was recently reading in Matthew 3 and 4. I recommend you pause and Go read it real quick.

In Matthew 3 we see John the Baptist preparing the way for the coming Messiah. We see him call Jesus out and Baptize Jesus. Up until this point we have seen no temptation by the devil. Why? Is it because Jesus had not started his Fathers work yet? I don’t know. What I do know is that we have witnessed a few very significant things.

  • Jesus is baptized by John
  • The Spirit of God descended and rested on Jesus
  • God presented Jesus as his Son
  • Jesus was led by the Holy Spirit into the wilderness.

In Matthew 4, The Holy Spirit leads Jesus into the wilderness to be tempted by the devil. I compare this to a father taking his son to compete in a wrestling match. He takes him not with the forethought of defeat. Instead he takes him with faith that he will prevail. Just as Abraham took Isaac with faith that God would show up. We should never walk into a battle with the thought of defeat, but rather ready with the sword of God. [Ephesians 6:17]

The word says, And after fasting forty days and forty nights, he was hungry. And the tempter came and said to him, “If you are the Son of God, command these stones to become loaves of bread” but he answered, “it is written, ‘Man shall not live on bread alone, but by every word that comes from the mouth of God.’”

Jesus has fasted 40 days. That is 960 hours. That is 57,600 minutes. He has gone without food for this long period and the word says, He was hungry. The first thing the devil did was attack not only his hunger, but also Christ’s Identity as God’s Son. He also subsequently tried to lay out the fact that the Holy Spirit would have you fast, but I would not. The Holy Spirit would have you deny yourself, but I would not. Jesus responds to this attack with the perfect weapon.

Then the devil took him to the holy city and set him on the pinnacle of the temple and said to him, “If you are the Son of God, throw yourself down, for it is written, “he will command his angels concerning you and on their hands they will bear you up lest you strike your foot against a stone.” Jesus said to him, “again it is written, ‘you shall not put the Lord your God to the test.’”

Jesus is no longer in a low place… but rather brought a little higher. The devil takes him and again attacks his identity as the Son of God while simultaneously he tells Jesus that when he is in trouble he can save himself. Have you ever been told that? Has anyone ever told you or made you believe that you don’t need God? Or any of these other phrases that slowly lead you away from the Lord…

  • Follow your heart, dreams, ect.
  • Good karma out good karma in
  • If God does this then I will ____.
  • If God is real he will_____.

How low would your faith have to be to believe that God has to prove himself. How low would your thoughts of God have to be to believe you don’t need him. BUT, I warn you.. this is a sly temptation that can get any of us.

Again the devil took him to a very high mountain and showed him all the kingdoms of the world and their glory. And he said to him, “ All these I will give you, if you will fall down and worship me.” Then Jesus said to him, “Be gone Satan! For it is written, “ You shall worship the Lord your God and him only shall you serve.’” Then the devil left him, and behold, angels came and were ministering to him.

Jesus is brought up high and is then tempted with his biggest temptation. To worship one other than God! Jesus has the perfect response pulled straight from the Law right by the Shema. How many times have we been on a mountain and looked at things other than God?

Jesus was tempted when he was low in a valley. But he looked to God and used the Word. Jesus was tempted on level ground. But he looked to God and used the Word. Jesus was tempted on a mountain. But he looked to God and used the Word. Don’t for once believe that devil won’t tempt you at every chance he gets. If you are his enemy walking led by the Holy Spirit, he will be after you. He will attack your desires, your pride, your humility, your loneliness, your faith, your doubt. More than anything else, he will tempt you to abandon your identity in God. If this one thing is abandoned, much will follow. Use the weapon that the Lord has fashioned for you. Keep it sharp. Keep it within reach.

Praying this has been fruitful and encouraged you to seek the Word.

Chorley

Hear o, Israel. The LORD our God, the LORD is one. You shall love the Lord our God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your might. And these words that I command you today shall be on your heart. You shall teach them diligently to your children, and shall talk of them when you sit in your house, and when you walk by the way, and when you lie down, and when you rise. Deuteronomy 6:4-7

white textile

Routes of Remembrance

.Reading time 6 minutes.

Pain, Sorrow, Loss, Grief. These things are hard to walk through with grace. One of the hardest things about life is not understanding why some people leave when they do. Why one life is ended and not another. Why a strong relationship can suddenly be the past.

Over this past year I have watched much sorrow and grief. Sometimes I wish I were just hearing about these losses as I hear about the weather. That it may change how I dress for the day, but other than that I am unaffected. I wish I could just use scripture out of context and say, “Let the dead bury the dead”. That is not who the Lord has formed me to be. The Lord has formed me to, “Bear with one another’s burdens, and so fulfill the law of Christ”.

When I go to funerals, I watch the slide show with awe and wonder. I watch these snapshots from a life lived. Many of these slide shows last only 5 minutes. 5 minutes. How can you fit a life into 5 minutes? How can you share someone’s hopes, dreams, and memories of an entire life in 5 minutes? When I see their pictures holding a newborn baby, I wonder how long they prayed for that baby. I wonder if there were complications that lead them to seek the Lord. When I see wedding pictures, I wonder if the couple took every opportunity to tell each other that they love each other. I wonder if they left anything unsaid. More than anything, I watch in hopes that I will get to witness how much they loved the Lord. I will get to see how they loved. I will get to see how they served. I will get to see how they laid their life down for others. Getting to see this, is a gift that I also carry with me.

When someone we love leaves us for heaven, we all take a different route. There is the route of anger of loss. This route is not fruitful and doesn’t give a good witness to the love of the Lord or the one we lost. There is the route of denial. This route pretends everything is fine and never speaks of the one’s we have lost. There are plenty of other routes to take that I won’t go into. The route I love the most is continuing on with life and carrying those we love with us. Speaking of them. Telling others about them. Using the things they taught us. Not dwelling on their mistakes. More than anything else, sharing how the Lord used them to grow us. It is easier to do these things if we really loved them.

When I look at this route as a way to continue after the loss of a loved one, I ask… what about Jesus? Jesus died and was rose again. How do we continue on from that? Do we carry him with us in our life every day? Do we speak of him? Do we tell others about him? Do we use the things he has taught us? Do we dwell on the things he didn’t do for us? Do we share how the Lord used him to grow us?

Or… are we stuck angry about where we don’t see him? Do we live in denial of him? Is he out of sight out of mind? After all… “It is not for you to know times or seasons that the Father has fixed by his own authority. But you will receive power when the Holy Spirit has come upon you, and you will be my witnesses in Jerusalem and in all Judea and Samaria, and to the end of the earth.” “Go into all the world and proclaim the good news”

When the wind blows through the warm sheets on the line, I will remember her and know the wind obeys him.
When I tuck my child into the crisp sheets at night and smell a soft remanence of dirt, grass and rain, I will remember her and I will be reminded that they are good soil.
When the twang of a banjo cord vibrates on my thumb, I will remember her and I will sing songs of praise to God. 
When the juice of a peach runs down the blade of my paring knife, I will remember her and I will pray for a fruitful lineage. 
When I hear my children’s laughter as they run through an orchard, I will remember her and I will know that I am just on this side of Heaven; planted and waiting upon the Lord.

Selah

Chorley

photo of mountain under cloudy sky

Marriage: Part 8 Vows, Covenants, Rainbows.

.Reading time 9 minutes.

I have been writing to all of you concerning marriage. We have had 7 parts to this so far. I don’t know everything about marriage. I do know that with Christ all things are possible. I promised to send one about vows… so here you go. I pray this finds you well.

I recently had a chance to sit deeply in Numbers 30. If you have not had a chance to go through it I suggest that you do before you go any further. When I first turned to numbers 30, I noticed that it spoke of a Man’s Vows and a Woman’s Vows separately. I also noticed that the man’s section was 2 verses long. The woman’s vows, however, were 13 verses long. My gut reaction was WHY DO WE HAVE MORE RULES. Again, this is just my “strong independent woman” background speaking. We can often glimpse at something and not find it worthy of our time. Lord walk with us!

I have highlighted a few verses to share with you.

  • V2: If a man vows a vow to the LORD, or swears an oath to bind himself by a pledge, he shall not break his word. He shall do according to all that proceeds out of his mouth.
  • V8: But if, on the day that her husband comes to hear of it, he opposes her, then he makes void her vow that was on her, and the thoughtless utterance of her lips by which she bound herself. And the LORD will forgive her. 
  • V9: (But any vow of a widow or of a divorced woman, anything by which she has bound herself, shall stand against her.) 
  • V12: But if her husband makes them null and void on the day that he hears them, then whatever proceeds out of her lips concerning her vows or concerning her pledge of herself shall not stand. Her husband has made them void, and the LORD will forgive her. 
  • V15: But if he (her husband) makes them null and void after he has heard of them, then he shall bear her iniquity.”

As I slowly walked and crawled through this text, I was able to see and understand that the Lord did not set up all of these additional rules for women. The word clearly says to keep your word, your vow, your pledge.  He also gave us many opportunities to rely on the discernment and leadership of the men set over us. To protect us.

This glance over our vows and pledges reminded me of the Lord’s Covenant with us. So, I decided to look over the Covenant that the Lord spoke of. The one with Noah. You first find this mentioned in Genesis 9.

9“Behold, I establish my covenant with you and your offspring after you, 10and with every living creature that is with you, the birds, the livestock, and every beast of the earth with you, as many as came out of the ark; it is for every beast of the earth. 11I establish my covenant with you, that never again shall all flesh be cut off by the waters of the flood, and never again shall there be a flood to destroy the earth.” 12And God said, “This is the sign of the covenant that I make between me and you and every living creature that is with you, for all future generations: 13I have set my bow in the cloud, and it shall be a sign of the covenant between me and the earth. 14When I bring clouds over the earth and the bow is seen in the clouds, 15I will remember my covenant that is between me and you and every living creature of all flesh. And the waters shall never again become a flood to destroy all flesh. 16When the bow is in the clouds, I will see it and remember the everlasting covenant between God and every living creature of all flesh that is on the earth.”

I am fond of Hebrew number meaning. The number nine is associated with surrounding, fruitfulness, and finality. I had wondered why God waited so long after the fall to destroy man and then make a covenant with him. That is until I looked at it as a necessary step to finalize the period of fall of man. The entire time after Adam and Eve were deceived by the serpent up until the time waters receded… was the fall.  

I wanted to dig into this Covenant sign a little. God says that he has set his bow in the cloud, as a sign of the Covenant. This bow is often translated as a rainbow. The Hebrew word is qesheth. Which means bow, arch, bend. The physics behind a rainbow are even more fascinating. The blue base (foundation) color of a rainbow bends at exactly 40 degrees. (40 is a popular number!) Three things are required for one to see a rainbow.

  1. The sun must be behind you.
  2. Raindrops in the sky in front of you
  3. Sunlight must be able to reach the raindrops without any obstruction.

Now read those three things from a spiritual perspective.

  1. The Son must be radiating behind you. Warming your back and lighting your path.
  2. The living water that comes from above must be in front of you.
  3. Obstructions of you and your life or your sin can not be placed between his light and his living water.

Lord walk with us. I can’t read this list of seeing a rainbow without weeping over his perfect creations. His perfect sign. His perfect covenant.

When we look at this all as a whole, we can understand that our vows need to be kept. That out fathers and our husbands are meant to protect us in these vows. That our fathers and our husbands will have to bear our inequity when they have us break our vows. That the original covenant sign is one bending to another without obstruction. This is Chesed love!

Do you keep your vows?

Do you (rely on/allow) your (father/spouse) to protect you in these vows?

Do you work hard to bend into your spouse?

When your spouse bends into you, do you remove obstructions?

Grace & Peace

Chorley

Head over to the Distaff & Spindle to grab one of the new “Covenant” shirts!

Selling shirts is how I keep the content free and ad free.

Covenant
a happily married couple dancing at home

Marriage: Part 6 Husband Leading

.Reading time 9 minutes.

Before I dig into this topic of a husband leading the home.  I wanted to dig into the word meaning a little.

Husband- a married man considered in relation to his spouse.

Husbandry-the intentional cultivation and production of plants or animals.

I have chickens. I love having chickens. I wanted to have chickens for a dozen years before I convinced my husband that we should have them. I don’t think I fully convinced him, but I did wear him down. We knew that before we could even bring chickens to our property, we would need to have a place for them to live. When we were deciding how big of a coop to build, I told my husband that I wanted it to be big enough for me to walk in and clean it. If I wasn’t comfortable moving around inside, then I wouldn’t want to clean it. I also knew that the birds would need nesting boxes to lay eggs, roosting bars to sleep on, clean watering area, plenty of food, and a fenced in run big enough for the birds to run around and enjoy themselves without my dogs eating them. The only thing that I did not do… was put netting over the run to prevent hawks from flying in and carrying off a chicken. Occasionally we have had chickens carried off by hawks or one snatched off the fence by a very excited Great Dane. When it gets too hot in the summer I leave the hose running a little for them to play in the water. When the temperature drops too low I lock them in the coop so they don’t get frost bite; and then I have to carry water out 3 times a day so they don’t get dehydrated. I regularly check them for infections, parasites, and injuries. When they are sick I nurse them back to health. I actively and intentionally engage in chicken husbandry. Chickens have been around for a long time. They could survive without me, but I prefer that they thrive with me.

Husbands need to consider themselves not just husbands, but intentionally engaging in the husbandry of their wife, their marriage, and their children. The word tells us that…

 For the husband is the head of the wife even as Christ is the head of the church, his body, and is himself its Savior.          Ephesians 5:23

While I was raised by a feminist and believe that women are capable of amazing things; I still believe that a husband is the head of the wife. I was in the Army for 8 years and ran my own squad in a gun truck for an advanced combat patrol unit. All of the men that served under me were head strong infantry men. It is not that I believe women are helpless. For the first 5 years of our marriage I did what I wanted when I wanted. I hid most of my wounds and scars from my husband out of fear of rejection. This stunted the growth in our marriage… Then I had our first child and a very traumatic birth experience. A week later I was in a medicine induced coma. When the doctors took me off the medicine and I woke up, I was scared. My mom was there, my child was there, and my husband was there. I had retrograde amnesia and my last memory was walking through a market in Iraq. I just wanted to know where my squad was and who’s child my mom was holding. My husband explained what happened, then 10 minutes later, I forgot again. For the next 6 months I struggled with anterograde amnesia. I wasn’t allowed to drive because I had no clue where I was going. This became very comical when I had to give my mother-in-law directions. I was not able to bond with my son until he was around 7 months old. I had to rely on everyone around me to figure out my life. My husband really became a husband practicing husbandry during that time. Over the next five years I slowly stopped letting my husband lead me in life. I became independent to a self-destructive level. Believing that I didn’t even need him. We grew apart and I wondered daily why we were even married. Then the Lord got ahold of me, and I became very sick. I developed fibromyalgia. It was through my sickness that my husband began leading me again. Through illness, injury, surgery, recovery… illness, injury, surgery, recovery… illness, injury, surgery, recovery. Over and over he was forced to lead me. This was leading out of necessity. This was all a rehearsal for him to learn to lead us out of choice. We had got to the point that I would say or do something negative and he would remind me of what I had promised or what the Word said. We got to the point where he took an active role in where my time was spent. He cared if my time was wasted on frivolous things or my family and things that grew me. He spoke up when I was doing unhealthy activities, whether that was unhealthy eating, over working myself or maintaining one-sided relationships. He now leads and guides me to help me grow for the benefit of myself and others, be fruitful as a wife, mother, and Disciple of Christ, and self-preserving and not self-destructive. I shared all this messiness to show how (1.) I’m definitely a work in progress. (2.) I respect that my husband is growing in his role (3.) No one gets it right all the time.

One thing I know for a fact, is that women have to get out of the way, if they want their husband to lead.

Some scripture to meditate on:

1 Peter 3:7

1 Corinthians 11:3

Ephesians 5:25

Proverbs 31:11

If you have been following along with this marriage series, you will know that we are going through and rating things. Now, rate from 1-10 how your husband is leading you. 10 being the best. I can not tell you what leading should look like in your home. That is why I have only talked about how it looks for us. Every family is different and walks this out differently. That is why you have to sit with the Lord and these scriptures yourself first. Don’t ever use this rating as a weapon. Use this as a way to have conversations, petition the Lord, and grow.

I pray this finds you well. As always feel free to reach out to me with any questions.

Grace & Peace

Chorley

monochrome photo of couple holding hands

Marriage: Part 5 Agape

.Reading time 8 minutes.

agápē. to prefer, to love.

I recently went to a funeral for a very kind man. He had served his church for over 15 years. Over the last two weeks I listened to stories from many friends and loved ones. I never got the chance to know him well, but what little I did know, told me that he was an encourager. Meaning that he; 1. Had courage. The kind of courage that only comes from the Lord.  2. He shared his God-given courage with those around him. I believe those two things are a requirement in order to be an encourager. It was not the video, the stories, or even the flag on the casket that made me choke on a lump in my throat. It was his wife.  She is a very kind woman who has always welcomed me with open arms. Before the funeral the family came in to be served lunch. As the meal went on, the immediate family that had been sitting with her would work their way around the room or into the sanctuary to steal a few minutes alone with their patriarch before the service. At one point I saw her sitting alone at the the table that was once filled with her family. It was in that moment that the reality of her situation became heavy enough to drown me. I had the urge to run to her and tell her that I’m sorry she is sitting alone. I’m sorry that she will have to do many things alone now. I am sorry that the person who has always chose her over himself is gone. I’m. Just. Sorry.  However, I know that would have never helped her. It would have only benefited me and my misplaced guilt. So, I sat quietly praying for the Lord to give her courage. For him to hold her up. In her eyes, I saw agape. I saw love even in death.

The verse that I always think about when I consider agape love is John 21: 15-19.

15When they had finished breakfast, Jesus said to Simon Peter, “Simon, son of John, do you love me more than these?” He said to him, “Yes, Lord; you know that I love you.” He said to him, “Feed my lambs.” 16He said to him a second time, “Simon, son of John, do you love me?” He said to him, “Yes, Lord; you know that I love you.” He said to him, “Tend my sheep.” 17He said to him the third time, “Simon, son of John, do you love me?” Peter was grieved because he said to him the third time, “Do you love me?” and he said to him, “Lord, you know everything; you know that I love you.” Jesus said to him, “Feed my sheep. 18Truly, truly, I say to you, when you were young, you used to dress yourself and walk wherever you wanted, but when you are old, you will stretch out your hands, and another will dress you and carry you where you do not want to go.” 19 And after saying this he said to him, “Follow me.”

In this passage we see Peter not in agreeance with Jesus, but rather him admitting that he doesn’t love Jesus as much as he thought he had. Peter once told Jesus that he would lay his life down for him. [Jesus] However, that is not how things played out. Peter did in fact deny Christ as predicted. After the regretful denial, Jesus is asking if Peter prefers Jesus over himself and Peter is honest in his response. Sometimes we fail at walking out our love for our spouse just as Peter failed walking out his love for Christ. (In that moment)

Agape love is a love of service. Bishop Fulton J. Sheen once said, “The night of the last supper the Apostles were quarreling as to who would have the first place at the table among themselves. Our Blessed Lord then got down on his knees, washed their feet and wiped them with a towel. How few there are who ever fight for the towel.” When I say that Agape love is also a service love… think back to the other types of love that we have gone through in the previous posts in the marriage series. Storge’. How do you choose your spouse over yourself in your Storge’ (protective/family love? How do you choose your spouse over yourself in your phileo (friendship) love? Eros. How do you choose your spouse over yourself in your Eros (intimate) love? When you look at these other three loves remember that the desire to choose your spouse over yourself and serve your spouse in these areas is driven by the Agape love. If you don’t have this Agape love for your spouse, it will definitely show up in these other loves; specifically the Storge’ and Eros.

Agape is for better for worse. Agape is in sickness and in health. Agape is till death do us part. Agape pulls it’s weight and sometimes more. Within the sanctity of marriage, Agape intimately desires.

Go back to the original marriage PDF and look at where Agape is located on the marriage square. Ask yourself where you are winning and where you are loosing in the Agape section, in your marriage. Ask yourself where you and your spouse make an active effort to choose each other. As well as where you don’t. Gave yourself a rating 1-10. 10 being good, 1 being “needs MUCH improvement” Don’t only rate your spouse. Rate your marriage as a whole. Write out your reasons. Don’t ever do this as a reason to list your spouse’s short comings! Have you washed you spouses feet? Is your marriage a place where you walk with humility?

I am praying this finds you well and seeking a Godly marriage.

Grace & Peace

Chorley

I hope you subscribe so you will be notified when the next installments are published. Marriage Part 6: A Husband Spiritually Leading. & Marriage Part 7: A Wife Spiritually Submitting. If you have any questions feel free to contact me through the “contract” page.

vintage photo of a dog lying on the bed

Marriage: Part 4 Eros

.Reading time 10 minutes.

This post has taken me a while to write because this can be such a difficult subject to approach. In the marriage conversations that I have had with women, sex is always an issue of discussion. However, the truth of the matter is that sex is just one small aspect of the Eros love. When discussing the eros love and all it entails, my friend Richard Manlove told me, “It’s not just sex, even the dogs can do that.” I can not think of any better way to break it down. I’ll try.

Eros does not mean erotic. The word erotic was not used until the early 1600s. Erotic was used in Greek to describe anything that relates to sex or sexual desire. Lets stop calling Eros the erotic love. Let’s decided now that we will see Eros for what it was meant to be. The intimate love and oneness between a husband and wife. Remember that while Phileo love is two people walking in the same direction, Eros love is two people towards each other with a common goal nestled between them.

In a righteous world, everyone would find a mate, marry, and then engage in a sexual relationship. However, we do not live in a righteous world. Rather we live in a broken world. The majority of people, and self-proclaimed Christians, believe sex outside of marriage is an outdated practice. The dating site Christian Mingle did a survey in 2014 with it’s members. 61% stated that that they were willing to have casual sex without being in love, while only 11% said they were waiting until marriage to have sex. 40 million Americans regularly visit a pornographic website and 35% of all internet downloads are related to pornography. 1/3 of all porn viewers are female. 70% of Americans cheat at least once in their marriage. Popular culture has told us that modesty is meant to shame and hide our bodies. Culture, childhood trauma, incest, and sexual assaults have contributed to the poor example of intimacy or the inability for many to connect to another human in any manner of intimacy.

Oh how far we have fallen. In the beginning we see Adam and Eve walking in their beautifully naked bodies. It is not until sin comes that they feel shame and hide themselves from God. It is out of pity and love that we see God sacrifice an animal so that their bodies are covered. Over and over sacrifice is made to “cover” mankind’s indiscretions. When a child is young they are taught about intimate relationships. They are shown stories about sleeping beauties and longing princes. They also mindlessly observe the interpersonal relationships between their parents. They observe if a father kisses a wife’s cheek or slaps it. They observe if a wife lights up when her husband gets home from work or if she walks into another room. These things that we may think are minor create the foundation from which a child will build.

Sex in a marriage is important. That is why 1st Corinthians tells us, “Do not deprive one another, except perhaps by agreement for a limited time, that you may devote yourselves to prayer; but then come together again, so that Satan may not tempt you because of your lack of self-control.” It is no surprise that this was told to the believers of Corinth. A place known to have so many heathens and sexual deviants, Caligula himself would have thrived had his canal project succeeded. The frequency and quality of sex will be different with every couple. It will also be different with every season of life. There are a few factors that I want to discuss.

Seasons. Things shift differently for every season of your life. There may be a season where a child sleeps in your bed. There may be a season where one doesn’t go to bed until the other gets up for work. There might come a time in your life when you are no longer sexually active with your spouse due to hormones and age. So, Health.

Health plays a huge role in sex in a marriage. If one person has imbalanced hormones, they may be over sexually active or under active. If one is sick or in pain, their body may prevent any type of arousal. Sex without arousal is not healthy mentally or physically.

Then, there is the group I refer to as the “outside influences”. Adultry, Rape, Incest, Unresolved Trauma, Abortion, Infertility (and fertility), Trust, Identity, Modesty, Porn, Social Media.

If you think these things can’t attack your marriage, you are lying to yourself!

Unresolved trauma: Guards hearts and minds from receiving love in a healthy manner.

Rape: Can leave one feeling attacked and unsafe during every sexual encounter.

Incest: Can set victims up to give sex, in order to receive love.

Abortion: Can leave feelings of shame, regret, and strife.

Infertility: Can leave either person feeling worthless or broken.

Fertility: Fear of becoming pregnant (too many times) can lead to unhealthy abstinence.

Trust: Not trusting your spouse in a marriage prevents all intimacy.

Identity: Not having your identity in Christ can lead to self-sabotage.

Porn: Leads to desiring people or scenarios other than your spouse

Social Media: Can lead to unfairly comparing your spouse or marriage with others.

Modesty: I know this is not a popular topic. When you bring up modesty, many women raised in my generation snub their nose. We were taught to be proud of our amazing bodies and show off what we are proud of. Don’t let men tell you to hide your body. Well, none of that has anything to do with modesty. It is a heart matter. The word I am reminded of above all is, “So, whether you eat or drink, or whatever you do, do all to the glory of God.” – 1 Corinthians 10:31 and “Do not let your adorning be external—the braiding of hair and the putting on of gold jewelry, or the clothing you wear— but let your adorning be the hidden person of the heart with the imperishable beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which in God’s sight is very precious.” – 1 Peter 3:3-4. I would love to discuss this topic more in a later post. The list of things that immodesty breeds from and causes is too extensive for this post.

When you look at all the different factors that can impact the intimacy in your marriage, it seems exhausting. I didn’t even discuss drugs and or alcohol. However, the Lord has the power to move in all of these situations. I suggest that you rate this area of your marriage in the same way that you rated all of the other areas up to this point. Remember you don’t rate just your spouse. You are rating your marriage in the area of Eros love. 1-10. If you are not at a 10, discuss why. Be open, honest, and vulnerable in this conversation. Consider the veracity as well as the benevolence of your words and reactions.

Is something in the way of your intimacy?

Do intimate encounters start from you trying to show love or from trying to receive sexual gratification?

Do any of the “outside influences” need to be discussed?

What scripture guides your Eros love?

If your Eros more than what the dogs do?

As always, I pray this finds you well.

Grace & Peace

Chorley