Before I dig into this topic of a husband leading the home.  I wanted to dig into the word meaning a little.

Husband- a married man considered in relation to his spouse.

Husbandry-the intentional cultivation and production of plants or animals.

I have chickens. I love having chickens. I wanted to have chickens for a dozen years before I convinced my husband that we should have them. I don’t think I fully convinced him, but I did wear him down. We knew that before we could even bring chickens to our property, we would need to have a place for them to live. When we were deciding how big of a coop to build, I told my husband that I wanted it to be big enough for me to walk in and clean it. If I wasn’t comfortable moving around inside, then I wouldn’t want to clean it. I also knew that the birds would need nesting boxes to lay eggs, roosting bars to sleep on, clean watering area, plenty of food, and a fenced in run big enough for the birds to run around and enjoy themselves without my dogs eating them. The only thing that I did not do… was put netting over the run to prevent hawks from flying in and carrying off a chicken. Occasionally we have had chickens carried off by hawks or one snatched off the fence by a very excited Great Dane. When it gets too hot in the summer I leave the hose running a little for them to play in the water. When the temperature drops too low I lock them in the coop so they don’t get frost bite; and then I have to carry water out 3 times a day so they don’t get dehydrated. I regularly check them for infections, parasites, and injuries. When they are sick I nurse them back to health. I actively and intentionally engage in chicken husbandry. Chickens have been around for a long time. They could survive without me, but I prefer that they thrive with me.

Husbands need to consider themselves not just husbands, but intentionally engaging in the husbandry of their wife, their marriage, and their children. The word tells us that…

 For the husband is the head of the wife even as Christ is the head of the church, his body, and is himself its Savior.          Ephesians 5:23

While I was raised by a feminist and believe that women are capable of amazing things; I still believe that a husband is the head of the wife. I was in the Army for 8 years and ran my own squad in a gun truck for an advanced combat patrol unit. All of the men that served under me were head strong infantry men. It is not that I believe women are helpless. For the first 5 years of our marriage I did what I wanted when I wanted. I hid most of my wounds and scars from my husband out of fear of rejection. This stunted the growth in our marriage… Then I had our first child and a very traumatic birth experience. A week later I was in a medicine induced coma. When the doctors took me off the medicine and I woke up, I was scared. My mom was there, my child was there, and my husband was there. I had retrograde amnesia and my last memory was walking through a market in Iraq. I just wanted to know where my squad was and who’s child my mom was holding. My husband explained what happened, then 10 minutes later, I forgot again. For the next 6 months I struggled with anterograde amnesia. I wasn’t allowed to drive because I had no clue where I was going. This became very comical when I had to give my mother-in-law directions. I was not able to bond with my son until he was around 7 months old. I had to rely on everyone around me to figure out my life. My husband really became a husband practicing husbandry during that time. Over the next five years I slowly stopped letting my husband lead me in life. I became independent to a self-destructive level. Believing that I didn’t even need him. We grew apart and I wondered daily why we were even married. Then the Lord got ahold of me, and I became very sick. I developed fibromyalgia. It was through my sickness that my husband began leading me again. Through illness, injury, surgery, recovery… illness, injury, surgery, recovery… illness, injury, surgery, recovery. Over and over he was forced to lead me. This was leading out of necessity. This was all a rehearsal for him to learn to lead us out of choice. We had got to the point that I would say or do something negative and he would remind me of what I had promised or what the Word said. We got to the point where he took an active role in where my time was spent. He cared if my time was wasted on frivolous things or my family and things that grew me. He spoke up when I was doing unhealthy activities, whether that was unhealthy eating, over working myself or maintaining one-sided relationships. He now leads and guides me to help me grow for the benefit of myself and others, be fruitful as a wife, mother, and Disciple of Christ, and self-preserving and not self-destructive. I shared all this messiness to show how (1.) I’m definitely a work in progress. (2.) I respect that my husband is growing in his role (3.) No one gets it right all the time.

One thing I know for a fact, is that women have to get out of the way, if they want their husband to lead.

Some scripture to meditate on:

1 Peter 3:7

1 Corinthians 11:3

Ephesians 5:25

Proverbs 31:11

If you have been following along with this marriage series, you will know that we are going through and rating things. Now, rate from 1-10 how your husband is leading you. 10 being the best. I can not tell you what leading should look like in your home. That is why I have only talked about how it looks for us. Every family is different and walks this out differently. That is why you have to sit with the Lord and these scriptures yourself first. Don’t ever use this rating as a weapon. Use this as a way to have conversations, petition the Lord, and grow.

I pray this finds you well. As always feel free to reach out to me with any questions.

Grace & Peace

Chorley