gray scale couple walking on snow covered ground

Marriage: Part 3 Phileo

November 28, 2021.Reading time 9 minutes.

One of the things that suits me best is to write what I know. As I sit here and write this I am looking at a picture of my husband and I from our last hunting trip. In the photo I have an odd laughing expression. My phone takes motion picture, which means it records up until the moment the photo is taken. When I click “view motion picture”, I hear my husband, who is posing in the picture, say, “I farted, can you smell that?” This is a big part of our marriage. Being around each other. Being real with each other. Laughing with each other. Because… we are friends.

Phileo love is the friendship love.

The Strong’s concordance number is 5368 philéō (from 5384 /phílos, “affectionate friendship”) – properly, to show warm affection in intimate friendship, characterized by tender, heartfelt consideration and kinship.

When I look at this break down, I think of two different things: the first being the song You’ve Got a Friend by James Taylor. If you haven’t heard it, google it! The second being what is occasionally referred to as “Jesus Reinstates Peter”. I always laugh a little and wonder if the one who titled this section read the same text that I did.

If you go to John 21:15-19, you read about Jesus asking Peter if he loved him. Jesus is asking “if Peter Agape’ him?”. Peter then responds that he Phileo him. Jesus asked “if he Agape’ him?” and again Peter responds that he Phileo him. Then Jesus asked “do you Phileo me?” and Peter responds that he Phileos him. I don’t believe this is a reinstatement, but I am not the voice of the Lord for you. What I do see here is Peter admitting that he was not willing to sacrifice for Jesus, but he was willing to have an intimate friendship with a tender heartfelt consideration and kinship. Peter is not telling Jesus that he doesn’t love him or they are only friends. There is a lot of weight to say that you phileo someone.

In my life I have had some very good relationships and I have had some very unhealthy relationships. ANY relationship that is one sided is unhealthy. A big chunk of the “friends” on my Facebook are merely acquaintances. Some people that I used to consider dear friends have become just acquaintances. I will explain why.

In our own time, friendship arises in the same way. It may be a common religion, common studies, a common profession even common recreation. All who share it will be out companions; but one or two or three who share something more will be our friends.

–C.S. Lewis

For someone to be a friend and not a companion or as I refer to them, acquaintance, there has to be more to the relationship. There has to be a commonality between their lives that is shared. The commonality could be something positive, like Disciple making or the church you attend. The commonality could also be negative like over-indulging in alcohol or gossiping. When a friendship is not rooted in something deep, the friendship may fade away when the commonality stops happening. I used to socially drink with a veterans group. When I stopped drinking, I had little interest to be around the group. If a mother looses a child, she may seek friends that have had the same experience. Seeking someone who “gets it”.

True friendship seeks to be loyal. In every action or conversation a true friend seeks to preserve the other friend, the truth, and the relationship. These three things are seen as valuable. I know that when I leave the room, my husband will not allow me to be attacked, lied about or allow anyone (including himself) to question our marriage. This brings me comfort. If you phileo anyone, you may consider these things: Are you a loyal friend? Are they? Are they loyal, not only when you are in the room, but when you are out? You can be honest and loyal at the same time.

Friendship has no survival value, rather it is one of the things which give value to survival.

C.S. Lewis

Does the friendship give your life value? Is it missed when it is gone? When I was in Iraq , I was not stationed with my husband. I longed for the days that we would get to visit each others bases. I would pull security on bomb filled roads just to get to see his face for 5 minutes. When I would see his face I could almost hear the theme song from Top Gun playing. That 5 minutes would get me through till the next time. sometimes it would be days apart, sometimes months. Our time was precious. I occasionally forget that now that we get to see each other most days. Writing this has opened my eyes to some of my own actions or inactions. Other than my husband, most of my real friends, my phileo friends have died. Either from war, suicide or cancer. The few Phileos that I have left have a special place in my heart. And my calendar.

So, it is time to ask yourself a few questions about the friendship you have with your spouse.

Is your spouse your best friend?
If not, who is and why?
Do you have heartfelt companionship with your spouse?
What are your commonalities?
What commonalities have you lost? Has that left an impact?
Are you both loyal?
Do you gossip or talk down about your spouse?
Do you shut down negative talk about your spouse?
Are you honest with each other?
Do you trust them?
Do you miss them when they are gone?

While Eros may look like two people walking toward each other with all desire and adoration for each other; Phileo is two people walking side by side, in the same direction, while taking special care to not go too fast or too slow, but stay in step.

Two are better than one, because they have a good reward for their toil. For if they fall, one will lift up his fellow. But woe to him who is alone when he falls and has not another to lift him up! Again, if two lie together, they keep warm, but how can one keep warm alone? Ecclesiastes 4:9-11

Remember the PDF from Part 1 and 2. Now after going through the above questions, rate how you are doing in this area from 1-10. We don’t rate the husband. We don’t rate the wife. We rate the marriage. Then we discuss how we can progress. I will share a new PDF below. There is a 1-10 scale available. I have also updated the PDF for storge’ to have the same scale. Think 10 is “great” and 1 is “needs lots of improvement”.

Walk through this world with one who wants to be at your side.

Grace & Peace

Chorley

Chorley-Phileo Download

Marriage Part 2: Storge’

November 22, 2021.Reading time 8 minutes.

Just to recap…

The last post that I made was Marriage Part 1. I want to remind you all that I am in no way a marriage expert. I am an imperfect woman married to an imperfect man. In Part 1, I walked through the 4 types of love that we find in a marriage. I gave just a small section on each love. Now, I will dive into each one with you very slowly and talk about how we can assess this in our marriage.

Part 2: Storge’

After reading (well, listening to) C.S. Lewis discuss the four loves, I have a refreshed take on them. I want to share where I have landed the plane and how we walk this out in our marriages. I start with storge’ because Lewis did. He did it for specific reasons. Storge’ is the Family/ Protective love. You can pinpoint when you became friends with someone or when you began intimacy or when you chose them over you. Pinpointing the very moment that someone became family is a very different matter. At first, I didn’t agree that this was a reality. Then I tried to remember at what point my friend Debbie became my family. I couldn’t tell you. Just suddenly one day, she was family.

Storge’ love finds us doing things to protect those we love. We don’t do these things out of lordship or authority, rather we do them out of responsibility. It is my responsibility to teach my children about the Lord just as much as it is my responsibility to teach them how to dress appropriately. The difference in responsibility and authority is that I don’t Lord my decisions over them and I allow them to walk in the freedom of their choices (with reason). I don’t make every decision for them out of my responsibility to protect them. In a marriage we can assess how we are doing on this type of love. We do this best by first laying out who is doing (or not doing) what. I often refer to this love as the hotdog underwear. I share this with many women I teach this to. In our home, laundry is generally my job. It is this way because My husband works 10-15 hour days usually 5 days a week. I am retired from the military, so I am home more than him. When I am slacking on this duty, my husband will kindly say, “I am on hotdog underwear”. This means that he is on his last pair of clean underwear, which happen to have a hotdog pattern. He hates these underwear because of the fit and length. However, I don’t get rid of them because if he didn’t hate them, he might not tell me. Then I might not immediately throw a load in the wash.

This may sound different. I protect my family with clean clothes. I protect my family with warm meals. I protect my family with smart financial decisions. I protect my family with healthy boundaries. I protect my family’s mental health. I protect my family’s physical health. When I say protect, I mean I love and care for them in this so much that I am willing to do more. More without resentment or bitterness.

My family does not need to have the newest clothes, but I protect them by making sure they have what they need. My family does not need to have the biggest and nicest house, but I protect them by making sure it is a warm home where they feel safe. My family doesn’t need a million-dollar paycheck, but I take care of them by making sure all our bills are paid before any “extras” are purchased. My family may want every extended family member in their life, but I protect them by setting healthy boundaries with flakey, irresponsible or even dangerous family members. When we first lay out our responsibilities and discuss our role in the marriage, we can see if there is an even distribution of duty. After laying out responsibilities we can dig into our financial decisions, discuss unrealistic expectations we may have of each other, mental health and stability, physical health and caregiver roles.

So ask yourself a few questions.

What are your responsibilities?

What are your spouse’s responsibilities?

Are all parties aware of their responsibilities?

Are you putting any unrealistic expectations on each other?

Am I seeking to protect their mental health and physical health?

Has mental health or physical health issues put a strain on us?

Are you in agreement about your financial choices?

Once all of this is done, each spouse can rate how they believe the couple is doing in this love on a scale of 1-10. We don’t rate the husband, we don’t rate the wife. We rate the marriage. Then we discuss how we can progress.

I am very intentional about not giving a specific scripture to cling to on this. BECAUSE… no one is married to Mike Chorley except me. The voice of the Lord may be different for me than it would be for someone else because I am married to someone else. What I do encourage everyone do, find a scripture that models this love well for your marriage. One the Lord revealed to YOU. Then when things come up that start to rock your marriage, add another scripture to this Storge’ section. When you pray for your marriage, read these scriptures. When the Lord gives you these scriptures and you see the kingdom break through in your marriage praise God for that pillar of faith in your marriage.

Make sure to download the PDF from the beginning of this series. When you decided on the scripture for your Storge’, write it under your Storge’ section. I will provide an example of a couple of mine in a PDF below.

REMEMBER!

PROTECT WHAT IS INSIDE YOUR TENT, KNOW WHAT IS OUTSIDE OF YOUR TENT.

Grace & Peace

Chorley

chorley-storge Download

Marriage: Part 1

November 12, 2021.Reading time 8 minutes.

Marriage is hard. Marriage is sweet. Marriage is biblical. Marriage is a choice. I have been married for sixteen years. I am not the perfect wife by any means. I am also not married to the perfect husband. However, we are both married to the one that is perfect for us. We have had times where we failed each other and had to seek forgiveness. We both deployed to Iraq in 2005 and were not always stationed near each other. There were times that situations, bombings, and firefights happened and neither of us were sure if the other would make it back to the base alive. He also sat by my bed when I was in a medically induced coma just days after the birth of our son. We both live with post-traumatic stress disorders, traumatic brain injuries, anxiety, depression, and chronic pain. We have seasons where one is doing better than the other, both are struggling, or both are good. No matter what season we are in I am thankful that I have someone by my side.

Two are better than one, because they have good return for their work: If one falls down, his friend can lift him up. But pity the man who falls and has no one to help him up! Also, if two lie sown together, they will keep warm. But how can one keep warm alone? Though one may be overpowered, two can defend themselves. A cord of three stands is not quickly broken. Ecclesiastes 4:9-12

When I was being discipled, I was taught a tool for marriage. This tool is known as the marriage square. The tool basically teaches that there are four loves. (If you have never read C.S. Lewis’ Four loves, I strongly recommend it. It is available on audible!) This tool teaches that AGAPE feeds the STORGE, EROS, and PHILEO in our marriages. When Rachel taught me this tool, I told her that it was good info about the types of love, but I didn’t think it was practical. She responded with, “Then change it. Find a way to make it practical.” SO, that is what I am going to share with yall. This will be a multi-series because there is a lot of information and homework with each of these.

Most of my childhood is filled with trauma, abuse, sexual disfunction and promiscuity. I was never taught about healthy intimacy or marriage growing up. My parents divorced when I was two. My mom divorced her second husband when he went to jail for child molestation. Then, I watched my mother go through three more marriages. My mother came from an alcoholic and abusive home. I believe that many children are taught how to be married and what is important in a marriage. My husband came from two people that are still married 40+ years later who came from parents who died married. My husband’s parents were raised Catholic. I don’t know if this has anything to do with their commitment. I do know that divorce is way less acceptable in the Catholic culture. I bring up the stark contrast of our upbringing for many reasons. One is that Marriage is often generational. Two: Just because people stay married till death, does not mean that it is a healthy marriage. Going through this process of finding out about different marital loves and how to walk it out has transformed my marriage to look less like the World and more like the Word.

For this 1st part of the series I am going to do a small break down of the four different types of love that we are going to go through.

STORGE’
PHILEO
EROS
AGAPE’

Storge’ is a family love. If you search through the Bible, you will not find it. However, you will find it attached to different words. In Romans 1:31 and in 2 Timothy 3:3 you find ASTORGOS. This is defined as heartless. In other books you find PHILEOSTORGOS, brotherly love. While, you cannot find this type of love by spelling; you can find it in concept that is built by the context of the situation of the word. We see Noah have this love for his family during the flood. We see Ruth have this type of love for Naomi. We see Martha and Mary have this kind of love for Lazarus. This love is protective, caring and responsible.

Phileo is the friendly love. You will find this type of love in the Bible and you will find it attached to many other words. The most notable place for this word is when I read Peter’s response to Jesus asking him if he loves him. Jesus asked him if he loved (agape) him, Peter responds that he loves (phileo) him. Phileo is loyal, truthful, and honest.

Eros is the intimate love. I use the word intimate because intimacy is more than sex. The sexual and intimate relationship between a husband and wife is one that has to be nurtured, guarded, and exclusive. Things that impact this love are sex, health, past trauma, porn, adulty, social media, and identity.

The last type of love is agape’. Agape is a sacrificial love. This is the I choose you over me. I think of the traditional vows. I take____ to be my wedded___, to have and to hold from this day forward, for better, for worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness and in health, to love and to cherish, till death do us part. All of these types of love are crucial to a healthy marriage. The agape feeds the “reason” of all the others. As in, I do these others because I choose you over me because I love you more than I love myself.

After all the loves have been discussed, the next thing that gets discussed is:

The husband spiritually leading the wife
The wife submitting to the husband’s authority

I pray this finds you and your marriage well. If you have any questions make sure to either drop a comment or email me at Andi@andichorley.com

Grace & Peace

Chorley

The next part of this series is: Marriage: Part 2 Storge’ Download this PDF in preparation for the next part in the series.

marriage-square-pdf Download

Filling the Valleys

October 22, 2021.Reading time 9 minutes.

The voice of the one crying in the wilderness: Prepare the way of the Lord, make his paths straight. Every valley shall be filled, and every mountain and hill shall be made low, and the crooked shall become straight, and the rough places shall become level ways, and all flesh shall see the salvation of God. Luke 3:4-6

A voice cries: “In the wilderness prepare the way of the Lord; make straight in the desert a highway for our God. Every valley shall be lifted up, and every mountain and hill be made low; the uneven ground shall become level, and the rough places a plain. And the glory of the Lord shall be revealed, and all flesh shall see it together, for the mouth of the Lord has spoken. Isaiah 40:3-5

There are slight differences in these texts. However, John was still quoting the book of Isaiah. Often when share scripture and we don’t know the exact words or the address where to find them. I don’t have a great memory and I don’t remember every verse I have ever read. I have never even memorized an entire chapter of the word. I am not sure if it is a side effect of my epilepsy or if I am just not disciplined enough. Either way, I don’t feel and shame or condemnation for it. I know for a fact that If I am meant to remember something in the Word, the Holy Spirit will remind me . I know this because the word tells us this in John 14

“These things I have spoken to you while I am still with you. But the helper, the Holy Spirit, whom my Father will send in my name, he will teach you all things and bring to your remembrance all that I have said to you. – verse 25-26

I have had many conversations with women lately about biblical literacy. One thing that has not been pushed for women in the church, is biblical literacy. We have these events and conferences and they are great. I am not saying they are not. One thing I always take away is that I am fearfully and wonderfully made and chosen and a daughter of a king and fearless. While these things are true, what do I cling to when things are hard. What do I cling to when I am struggling to see how the Lord’s will is for my benefit? What do I cling to when my marriage is not peaceful? What do I cling to when motherhood is stressful but I know I should just be grateful? What do I cling to when I have stumbled and fallen and I am struggling to get up because I cant bring myself to look up and see my Fathers hand reaching out to pull me back up. Knowing that I am a daughter of a king or fearfully and wonderfully made or chosen, does not always fill me up. Sometimes I need the hard truths to fill me up. Sometimes I need to know that I am walking in disobedience. Sometimes I need to know that I have unrepented sin holding me back. Sometimes I need to forgive hurt that others have caused. I learn these thing by being in the word. I listened to a song recently that said, “No body gives you a book with all the answers to life”. That’s a lie. The fact is that we often don’t like to open the book and find the answer.

In the past, I have had years, months, days, even hours of living in valleys. I think everyone reading this can think of a time in their life that they were living in a valley. I know that mental and physical health can be one of the first things to pull us into a valley.

I recently went camping with three spiritual families. It was amazing. While camping we went hiking at the Talimena State Park, in Oklahoma. I recommend hiking here to anyone! While driving (I was a passenger) through the area I would be texting and using the GPS. Every time we would drive through a valley I would lose service and be unable to contact the other vehicles or see the map on the GPS. This made a few difficulties and wrong turns… but we kept going. We eventually made it to our destination. It made for an interesting drive and we saw things we would not have seen had we been able to see the map; including a meat market with a massage parlor inside. Yep. That’s right.

A valley is not always as blissful as the one we drove through. More often it is a hard struggle that tries to shake our faith and hope. Bad health diagnosis with no hope in sight is often one of the bigger struggles. Losing my dear friend to Jesus after a long battle with cancer chained me in a valley for a while. Losing a child, parent or friend can keep us focused on our loss and not God’s gain. Anxiety and depression can make us feel far from God’s ear because we can struggle to lift our voice to him.

I once read a devotional from Charles Spurgeon that talked about ways that we fight to get out of valleys. One thing was; Low and groveling thoughts of God must be raised. The idea that God can’t help us or doesn’t love us; has to be removed from our brain. The respect and acceptance of his will in our life and other’s has to be carefully considered always. Doubt and despair must be removed. This idea of “woe me” can be changed by meditating on the trials and persecution of Jesus and his disciples. We can look to 1 peter and take heart knowing that God knew there would be trials and it is all temporary. I am not saying that anxiety and depression or grief disappear, but it makes the climb out easier when we are looking up. Self-seeking has to be forsaken. Giving up our will and desires for his, is hard but a worthy task. Grace must be raised. When we are frustrated with our children, our spouse, other believers, non-believers… are we really giving them the grace God has given us? Or are we allowing out lack of grace to keep us in chains of unforgiveness while living in a state of unhumility of our own actions?

I pray this finds you well and not in a valley. If it finds you in a valley, I hope you find it timely.

Grace & Peace.

Chorley

Empty Chairs

September 17, 2021.Reading time 8 minutes.

Where do conferences fit into Discipleship?

The first conference that I ever went to for Discipleship was at the Discipleship.org conference in Nashville. The trip was one to remember. There were two 15 passenger vans full of people that were currently walking in Discipleship relationships. The men were walking with our Pastor and the women were walking with his (the Pastor’s) wife. We got in the vans in Harrah Oklahoma at 6am and arrived in Nashville that evening. We got to stay at a Hostile right in the middle of Nashville over off Broadway. The Hostile was a great place that allowed us to have conversations with people that we wouldn’t normally get to, had we been at an AirBnB.

The main speakers at the conference included Robert Coleman, Jim Putman, Bill Hull, and many other very qualified disciple makers. The main speakers had great things to say that were rooted in truth and rooted in the Word. Not every other speaker in the breakout sessions were that way. I quietly walked out of a couple breakout sessions because things were said that I did not believe lined up with the Word. I did not seek anyone out to inform them of the fallacies that were shared. I did not find that to be a fruitful endeavor. I did what I do with many things I read, watch, or listen to; I kept the good and I tossed the rest.

The things that I witnessed about the convention, was that the most fruitful part of the conference was not necessarily the speakers, the book vendors, or the snacks. The most fruitful thing that I took away from the conference was the one-on-one conversations about Jesus. I was able to partake in these conversations and watch others do the same thing. The unfortunate situation with having so many breakout sessions is that it is impossible for an attendee to hear every speaker and teaching.

Conferences don’t always seem like they fit into ministry, church, or discipleship. One thing that I know is that Jesus did not meet his Disciples at the temple. He met them in life and at events. We read in Luke 5 that Jesus healed a paralytic while he was preaching to a crowd, that was again, not at the temple. We read in Luke 6 that Jesus came down from the mountain to a great crowd and choose his disciples. We read in John 4 that Jesus met a woman at a well to give her the good news. Over and over, we see Jesus doing more Kingdom work outside of the temple. Is that the model that we should be following? Yes.

Mission is so important to ministry. If we are not engaging in mission, are we just building a kingdom with walls around it? We were never meant to come to church once a week to worship God. We were made to worship God. (if you didn’t notice, there was a period at the end of that sentence) It is possible to worship God at church, at home, at school, at work, in the car, at the store, and even at a conference. Our worship does not stop when we walk out the doors on Sunday. We were also never told to only find fellow believers at the temple. The word tells us “Go into all the world and proclaim the Gospel to the whole creation”. The key word here is GO.

I walk with women. I pour into other women daily. I also have amazing women around me that pour into me. I always have the thought in the back of my mind, “other women need this”. I know many women who don’t have anyone pouring into them. This creates a dull pain in my heart for them. They don’t know how sweet an intimate(not sexual) relationship with other women who love Jesus can be. I have recently been in Hebrews 10.

And let us consider how to stir up one another to love and good works, not neglecting to meet together as is the habit of some, but encouraging one another and all the more as you see the Day drawing near. Hebrews 10:24-25.

Every time I have been in small groups talking about Jesus or big conferences talking about Jesus, the one thing that I always hear is, I left so encouraged. I believe in relational Discipleship. However, I also believe in getting together in big groups to speak with people who don’t necessarily believe the way we do or have the same tools that we do. This fosters cross pollination. I love learning from other women. I hear a lot of people say, we don’t speak from experience. However, that is not a hard fast rule. When I know someone is struggling to find their identity in Christ, I know what scripture to give them because I have experience in helping women with this. We read books from Disciple Makers because they are subject matter experts… from experience. Granted, it is often rooted in the word, it is still their experience. Sharing out experiences in disciple making and ministry can be encouraging to other women if we are focused on growth of the kingdom and spiritual growth.

Where we should see Deborahs, Priscillas and Phoebes sitting, there is often an empty chair. Hearing other women teach the Word is so nurturing to my soul. Women teaching is rarely something that happens in majority of churches. If this happened more, it could encourage other women to teach with all authority. If more women taught with all authority we would see more women Discipling with all authority. However, I urge you to walk with caution, humbleness, and always remembering the Glory of God above you.

How are you helping to build the Kingdom?

What is your mission?

How do you walk that out?

What resources do you need to seek out?

Grace & Peace

Chorley

Kingdom movers, rarely ask for permission.

New Year, Same Hope

September 9, 2021.Reading time 5 minutes.

Many of us just celebrated Rosh Hashanah. This is the Hebrew/ Jewish new year. This is also known as the Feast of trumpets. New year often comes with new goals and new hopes. It can be hard for some to blow the trumpet with joy when we think about the times we are living in.

The only thing that keeps me stable in these days of uncertainty is the absolute dependability of God’s Word. -Elizabeth Elliot

I wish I could say that most things in our world are running smooth and exactly how we want them to run. They are not. We have had a very trying couple of years. I wanted to share a few numbers with you.

Notable violence numbers from 2019:
2,983 Christians were killed for their faith
8,537 Christians were raped or sexually harassed for their faith
9,488 Churches or Christian buildings were attacked
3,711 Christians were unjustly arrested or imprisoned
1,052 Christians were abducted for faith-related reasons
3,315 Christian homes were attacked, burned or destroyed

Before you read any further… Pray.

We have these violent acts going around the whole world. I don’t have the answer for what you can do other than pray. The violence of this world is nothing new. People have been killing each other since Cain and Able. We can not look at these numbers and be surprised. Only a little over 30% of the worlds population is a Christian. Only about 65% of the US is Christian. That number is declining every year. These numbers should not scare you, but they should stir you. They should stir you to be in the Word so that you are also… prepared to make a defense to anyone who asks you for a reason for the hope that is in you.

I recently when through Ephesians 4 with the Family Life Assembly of God in Choctaw, OK. The whole chapter is so rich and gives a great playbook for the Christian. One thing that we discussed every night was that the first three chapters of the book are the why and the next three are the how. As in, why we are Christians and how we walk that out. The biggest things that we have to understand is that we can not begin to walk out out faith, if we don’t know why we have our faith. My friend Maria shared the biblical definition of faith with us; confidence in what we hope for and assurance about what we do not see. The only way that we can live in these trying times is by faith with hope. Not faith in a government to protect us and provide for us, but faith in our God to do that. Not hope that things will be how we want them to be and that we wont face trials and persecution, but Hope that Christ’s will be done in our lives.

One of the most powerful things that was ever told to the Hebrews that were being persecuted and were filled with righteous anger was; We have this as a sure and steadfast anchor of the soul, a hope that enters into the inner place behind the curtain, where Jesus has gone as a forerunner on our behalf, having become a high priest forever after the order of Melchizedek. When we have Christ as an anchor in our life, the storms and waves of the evil in this world don’t shift our faith. The frustrations of mundane daily tasks don’t distract us from the mission we are on.

What mission are you on?

Is your mission Christ centered?

What distractions from the enemy, stumbling blocks or briars of rebellion do you need to address?

Stand firm in your faith. Pray for the persecuted. Pray for those that persecute. Blow the trumpet of the Lord. Loudly!

Grace & Peace

Chorley

Stuck in the Changing Room

August 31, 2021.Reading time 6 minutes.

I recently started listening to this book from Mike Breen and Walt Kallestad, titled A Passionate Life. I am listening to it because I always have so much time in the car between school drop off and pick up, soccer practice and everyday errands. At the opening of the book Mike describes a situation that happened when his children were younger. He tells of a time that his family had a membership at a “health club”. That term “health club” alone takes me back to the 80s and 90s. He talks about how he loved the hot tub. Then his children told him about the sun shower. It was like a beach experience. You get sun rays and a tropical breeze for a set amount of time. So he goes in and doesn’t enjoy it. His children loved it and told him to try again. Just try a lil bit more time. So he did. Still didn’t get it. They talked him into trying it a 3rd time. So he goes in again. This time, when he opened his eyes, he found a 2nd door handle in the small room. It was a door knob. He opened it and that is when he realized that he had been standing in the changing room the entire time. He hadn’t even opened the door to enjoy the sun shower. Then Mike goes in to ask: Is your relationship with Jesus like that? Have you gone through the first door and just stood there not knowing that there is more?

I think that many Christians are guilty of this. I know that I was. Often times when we grow up we are told a little bit about what Christians believe. We are told that Christians believe in God and that God sent his son Jesus to be the messiah and that he died on the cross for our sins. I am not saying that is not a great definition. What I am saying is that; that is just the changing room. If we believe that is all we need to know about God, we are fooling ourselves.

I dont pretend to know all there is to know about the Kingdom. One thing I am reminded of is Matthew 7:21-23.

Not everyone who says to me, Lord Lord, will enter the kingdom of heaven, but the one who does the will of my Father who is in heaven. On that day many will say to me, “Lord, Lord did we not prophesy in your name, and cast out demons in your name, and do mighty works in your name?” And then will I declare to them, ‘I never knew you; depart from me, you workers of lawlessness’

I am also reminded of the words that were directed to the Church of Laodicea in Revelation 3

“I know your works: you are neither cold nor hot. Would that you were either cold or hot! So because you are lukewarm, and neither hot nor cold, I will spit you out of my mouth.

There is so much more to God than the knowledge of the sacrifice of his Son. C. H. Spurgeon said that, ‘ to disregard the study of God, you will sentence yourself to stumble and blunder through life blindfolded, as it were, with no sense of direction and no understanding of what surrounds you. … this will waste your life and your soul’ I know that knowing that we are to know God is just the beginning. The next step is often harder. The next step is knowing where to begin in our journey to know God. I will give you the number one way to know God. His word.

We are all known by our Words. Our Words reflect what is in our heart. That is why the Word tells us, out of the mouth flows the heart. If all I ever talk about are other people, my heart is focused on other people. If all I ever talk about is money, my heart is focused on money. If all I ever talk about is people being “judgy”. My heart may very well be “judgy”. If I talk about kingdom things, my heart is focused on kingdom things. Be very carful who you allow to occupy the air space around you. Is the voice of the world louder than the voice of the Lord in your life?

Unpopular opinion: If you are never in his word, you don’t know him.

I pray this finds you well and hungry for the Word of the Lord.

Grace & Peace

Chorley

grayscale photography of woman inside jail

Praising Through Pain

August 23, 2021.Reading time 6 minutes.

This past month has come with a lot of highs and a lot of lows. I wish I could say that once you become a Disciple of Jesus everything becomes easy. Ha! That is just not the truth. There are still struggles for all of us. The difference is that a Disciple of Jesus knows that the Lord is perfect in our weakness. We also know that because our hope is in him and not in how we feel. I have had (diagnosed) PTSD since 2008. Through a series of life events my body decided to live in a hypervigilant state. This caused other medical issues. Then in 2018 I was diagnosed with fibromyalgia. This was a whole new set of medical issues. I don’t say this in a manner of woe me. It is quite the contrary. I say this as in I have this Hope that can not be shaken; even when my PTSD is making my brain unbalanced or when my body hurts too bad to sleep. We know that because our hope is in him and not in how we feel momentarily. One thing that I have learned through loosing many people I love; pain is relative and momentary.

Pain can be used to debilitate us or show the Glory of God. When I think about life struggles and pain I always think of Job. I think of him trying everything he can to minister to his children and then dying. I think about him loosing his home, his wealth, and everything that he once considered a blessing in his life. I think about those in his life that try to tell him that he has caused this suffering. I think about the doubt that those around him try to plant in his mind. I think about his wavering doubt. Well, what I read as a wavering doubt. THEN… I think of how God answered him. God did not just tell him what he wanted to hear. God also did not just reverse everything that had happened. God still answered him. I always have to ask myself; how does God answer me? He answers me in his Word. He tells me of his love for me in his Word. He comforts me in his Word. He shows me his power in his Word. He reminds me of pillars of faith that have been built from his Word. (…and the Word became flesh and dwelt among them.) I have to remind myself to not do as Adam did. I can not hide my nakedness from the Lord. I bring my nakedness to him, and he clothes me in his sacrifices.

I heard a preacher speak on prison gates this past weekend. I think he did a great job. Mainly because he stuck mostly to the Word. I respect that. He talked of Acts 16. I encourage you to go read it. (Don’t just assume I am correct!) In Acts 16 we read about the prisoners singing at midnight. When they sing the prison walls begin to shake and the gates are opened. I have read this before, but I don’t think my heart was really ready to hear it. When I heard it this weekend I just wept. I wept at the thought that those that cry out to the Lord will be freed.

Physical pain and mental health are real medical problems. I am not saying that when you cry out to the Lord you will no longer feel pain. I m not saying that when you cry out to the Lord you will no longer have mental health issues. What I am saying is that it is possible to still cry out to the Lord and sing his praises even when you are restrained by worldly circumstances.

Remember that these men were beaten and in pain. They did not sing praises to relieve the pain or open their gates. They sang praises to sing praises to the Lord! They also did not stop singing and run away the minute that the gates opened. Instead, they did the work of our Father. They witnessed of the Lord’s great power AND mercy. THEN the one that once stood guard outside their gate was transformed by the power of the Lord and washed their wounds.

What gates are holding you in?

Do you sing praises to sing praises to the Lord?

What wounds do you need washed?

Grace & Peace

Chorley

I pray this finds you well. Be sure to check out the new playlist on the home page. I will also be releasing a new shirt next week! Check out the shop!

Taking the mess out of Hot mess

August 9, 2021.Reading time 11 minutes.

This season of REST has been amazing. There were many times that I woke up and thought “ I have to write about that now before I forget!” However, I did not go write about it. I had sat with the Lord and came to the decision that if I was taking a season of rest, then I needed to take a break from the blog as well. This was hard for me because I do love writing. Taking a season of rest is not just a time to take a break from things you dislike or things that are draining you. It is a time to take a break from anything you can, so that you can spend more time with the Lord. I obviously can’t take a break from being a mom or wife… but I can take a break from pouring into other women, writing the blog, and any other ministry related things.

A big thing that the Lord had me sit in was organization. I have this joke that I say more often than I should; If the Lord made me in his image… he must be sarcastic. I say this as a complete joke. I have no clue if the Lord is sarcastic. Sometimes I wonder… but I don’t know. There are times when we can take scripture out of context. The verse that says, “ Let us make man in our image, after our likeness”, is often taken out of context. While it is true that he made man in his own image, that does not mean that the Lord made me sarcastic. I am sure that the fall of man, and years of childhood trauma have a big hand in my sarcastic abilities. I am going to drop a few scriptures at your feet and ask that you really sit with them.

So God created man in his own image, in the image of God he created him; male and female he created them. Genesis 1:27
This is how you are to make it, the length of the Ark 300 cubits, it’s breadth 50 cubits, and it’s height 30 cubits. Genesis 6:15
Where were you when I laid the foundation of the earth? Tell me if you have understanding. Who determined its measurements- surely you know! Or who stretched the line upon it? Job 38:4-5
Do not be conformed to this world but be transformed by the renewal of your mind that by testing you may discern what is the will of God, what is good and acceptable and perfect. Romans 12:2
For God is not a God of confusion but of peace. 1 Corinthians 14:33
She looks well to the ways of her household and does not eat the bread of idleness. Proverbs 31:27

I don’t talk about organization because I have it all figured out and I am a subject matter expert. I talk about organization because 1. It is biblical and 2. I need to work on it. I have a slight OCD about how things are cleaned and put away in my home. I often refuse cleaning help because when things are not done my way, I end up having to go back and redo it. If you look at these verses, you can see that 1. We are made in God’s image. 2. God is very organized. I am repeatedly asking myself if the traits that I have are Godly or Worldly. I can remember my children being late for school at least twice a week a few years ago. Over time I have been able to correct this bad habit. I have a few medical problems that team up and make going to bed at night very difficult. While I have these medical problems, I also have bad habits that make going to bed at a decent time, an irregular occurrence. My lack of self-discipline in this area has spilled onto other parts of my life. Such as getting my children out of bed in time to eat and get to school on time. If I am tired or oversleep in the morning, I won’t get a chance to sit in the Word before I wake up my children. Then I might also not have time to make them a nutritious breakfast, pack a nutritious lunch, talk to them with patience, make sure their teeth are brushed… make sure MY teeth are brushed and I am wearing a bra!

We can say all day, “God bless this hot mess”. But is a hot mess what we are really striving for? Let me say, that I am not trying to shame anyone for not having everything together! I know I don’t! (Jesus walk with me!)What I am saying is that while we appreciate that the lord blesses us even when we are a hot mess… That can not be the goal. The goal can not be to just barely get through every day. The goal can not be to get out of bed late and rush around and get our kids to school late and frustrated. The goal should be to work on being transformed more and more into the attributes that the Lord has laid out in his Word.

Over the season of rest, I have worked at becoming more organized and self-disciplined. I have purged bags and bags of clothing. I have thrown out things that I was saving for various projects. I have started projects that I was putting off. I have drastically cut back on the amount of tv time I am allowing myself. My next step is to commit to going to bed by 11pm, meal planning, grocery shopping before we are out of something, and turning off my phone by 10pm.

When we make plans, we have to make tangible plans. If I say, “ I plan to be on my phone less” Who measures what is less?! Plans have to be something you can actually measure. Using words like less or more, is not a complete plan. My phone being off by 10pm would mean that I am on my phone about 3 hours less a day and I may end up falling asleep sooner and get more sleep, allowing me to get up earlier and be more productive in the morning. While the plan may lead to other things that are less and more, the actual plan needs to be specific.

I wanted to share a new planner that I purchased that is also great for those that need to organize more. I bought the Faith and Focus planner. It is a 90 day planner that focuses goals, and abide time along with your schedule. I will share an amazon link below.

Amazon.com : Faith & Focus by Christian Planner | 90 Day Undated Planner | Eco-Friendly FSC Certified Paper | Work, Life, Spiritual Daily Journal, Designed to Help Accomplish Your Goals & Increase Productivity : Office Products

The next thing I wanted to share was the school planner that I purchased for my middle schooler. I want him to learn organizing and study skills younger, so he may be more productive later. After reading some reviews from a seasoned tutor and teacher, I found this planner and it seems to be great so far.

Amazon.com : 2021-2022 Academic Planner, A Tool for Time Management, Daily, Weekly & Monthly School Agenda for Keeping Students On Track & On Time, Size 8.5×11, (July 2021-June 2022), Navy/Lime : Office Products

I have also found a youtube channel that is just a God-loving woman cleaning and organizing her home. It’s kinda like when you watch a cooking show and think, I could go make that! I watch this channel and think, I could go clean that!

Amy Darley – YouTube

So, my questions for you:

What part of your life needs more organization?

What does the Lord say about that part of your life?

What is your tangible plan?

REMEMBER! I am not trying to shame anyone or make anyone feel guilty. I am the first person that needs to attempt to remove the mess from Hot-mess.

Once again, I am excited to be back for this season and PLEASE send me all your questions, concerns, and content suggestions!

Grace & Peace

Chorley

Interviews With Disciple Makers: Kellie Lemen

June 28, 2021.Reading time 14 minutes.

It is interesting when we look back at the Old Testament and read through the genealogy of God’s people. There is significance in knowing the origins of things and people alike. It is amazing to watch how many lives can be changed when one person hears the voice of the Lord and obeys. One woman, Rachel Moix, heard the calling on her life and walked it out. She walked with as many women as she could until the good Lord took her home. A few of the people she walked with included Kellie Lemen, Trista Voos, and myself. We did not all walk with Rachel at the same time, but we all have that same genealogical connection. This connection knits our hearts together in the sweetest way. I was going to interview Kellie later on this summer, but as the Lord would have it, he called another Saint, Jill Lee, home. With that, I found myself up in Kansas City to pay my respects.

Kellie lives on the Missouri side of Kansas City in an amazing historical bungalow that was built in 1915. Anyone that knows me well, knows I LOVE historical things. SO, getting to stay in this home and not some cheap motel was extra special to me. The home looks to have the original floors and windows that I can still picture in my head. I woke up at 4am and got in the car to head to KC from Harrah, ok. When I got there I spent a little time with the Lord and went in the church for the funeral. After the funeral I got to go to dinner with Trista, Summer (another Disciple maker), and Kellie at a great pizza place, that I highly recommend; 1889 Pizza Napoletana.

Chorley: How did you get involved with Disciple making?

Kellie: I hit a phase in my life where I became super hungry. I wouldn’t get enough of the Word. I was being fed but didn’t know how to self-feed. Rachel got diagnosed with Cancer and I remember being called to pray for her. I sent her a package in the mail and gave her scripture. I went to a women’s conference and there was a sermon about getting off the fence. I had been in a phase where I had a double life. I made the decision to be all in and started praying about being discipled. Rachel invited me in after meeting with me one on one.

Chorley: How long did you agree to walk together?

Kellie: We didn’t have a covenant at that time. It was agreed that we would walk as long as we would walk.

Chorley: How long did yall walk together?

Kellie: Right around a year.

Chorley: When we begin to walk with people we don’t just walk with anyone, we are led by the Lord to invite people of peace to follow us as we follow Jesus. What does that look like for you?

Kellie: A lot of prayer. Listening prayer. Thinking about names, praying about names and being super open to who the Lord may be highlighting. The last group, I wrote down exactly how the Lord revealed them to me, so that when things got bad, I could look back to remind myself what the Lord said to me. The harvest is plentiful, and the workers are few, so you have to go up the mountain to find answers. Engaging in conversations to see if my words are big in their ears. If see if they come back to me after I have given them the Word. Watching how they respond to scripture I give them.

Chorley: How long do you generally walk with your groups?

Kellie: It has been about 15-16 month.

Chorley: What is the biggest pillar of faith the Lord has built in you through discipleship?

Kellie: Honestly, some of the time you are feel like you have broken stuff, but you realize that the Lord wants it more than you, so he always makes it happen… There was someone I pushed too hard… and I thought they were going to walk away. When she left that night, she reached out to me to talk about how I handled things and she was super loving and awesome. A pillar was when I realized it isn’t on me.

Chorley: Are all the people that were discipled with you and the women you have released, now making disciples?

Kellie: No.

Chorley: Has that ever caused a shift in you?

Kellie: Yea, for sure. Especially my first group, I learned a lot and know things could have been done better. I wish I had done somethings differently and wonder if that would have spurred more things on.

Chorley: But like you said, it isn’t on you. You can pour into someone, but you can’t force them to pour into others. That is freedom for you and them.

Chorley: What was the biggest lesson you had to learn about the truth of the Gospel?

Kellie: Everything we do matters. The shift of when the Gospel truly takes root in you, and you know what’s at stake. Souls. Everything else in life becomes a lot less important and you can see more clearly. You want to chase people down and show them what the Lord looks like and just love them. I have this saying, that I am always saying… “meanwhile, souls are perishing”. We should turn that into a shirt.

Chorley: Who do you lean on and confide in when you are struggling to make disciples and why?

Kellie: I have two good friends that also make disciples. Trista and Summer. I think it is important to have people who are also in the trenches and understand the process. The joys, the pains, the hurt and frustration. They are always able to encourage me with the Word.

Chorley: What is the slowest thing about making disciples?

Kellie: Depending on the person. The building of relationship and building trust can take a lot of time and it isn’t something you can rush. Also.. individuals learning how to abide.

Chorley: I agree 100%. Learning how to read the word and understand the voice of the Lord for yourself is what leads to true transformation. That is heaven breaking through in your life!

Chorley: Now that we have discussed the importance of being in the Word…How valuable is reading words from others?

Kellie: I think there is place for it and there is value, but it is also never a replacement for the word. I would say that if it isn’t scripture based, it doesn’t hold a lot of weight for me. I have read testimonies that are super important. Paul gave his testimony over and over in the word, so there can be power in our words too.

Chorley: What is the difference between discipleship and small groups?

Kellie: small groups are, low challenge. They are comfy and cozy. No one wants to challenge people with truth because they don’t want the environment to uncomfortable. Small groups are grace heavy and tend to not go as deep. Discipleship is a high challenge. It is very intentional. The people that are invited in, there are high expectations for them. There is high accountability. There are always trust for your information to stay in the room. Everyone knows that everyone in the room is fighting for them.

Chorley: Where have you seen discipleship spill onto different parts of your life that you didn’t expect?

Kellie: EVERYEHERE! When you realize that your life has purpose and that the Lord wants to use you, you seek out moments to be the church all the time! I did a bible study a few weeks ago and I saw fruit from it. I recently got to teach Eat the Word to a co-worker. I get to share Jesus with my very hard neighbors. Even if I am not discipling someone, I can still pour into them. Almost all of my friendships have changed because I can love my friends better and help show them the word and the truth.

Chorley: What advice do you have for people who are not sure about discipleship?

Kellie: You can count the cost but the pay out and the freedom that will come is better than you can ever imagine. It is in the word so why would be not strive for it. If we see Jesus walk with people, why would we not model that?

Chorley: DO you have any questions for me?

Kellie: What compels you to keep writing about discipleship?

Chorley: I have lived a dozen lives in the span of 35 years. I have almost died more times than I can count. I have had medical scare after medical scare. I have this thought that I have one life to live and only so much time left. I never know when the Lord is going to call me home. In that time, I am going to do everything I can to teach the people in my life about Jesus. I want to die knowing that everything the Lord has shown me, I wrote down so that when I am gone there will be a record for my children and their children… for those that are in my genealogy.

Kellie is single and the questions that I have been asking I decided to ask the women that are closest to her. I aske Trista: What is the biggest transformation you have witnessed in Kellie since she has gone through discipleship and is now making Disciples?

Trista: Kellie has grown in her confidence at letting the Lord lead her to the right people of peace. I’ve seen the joy in her as she lays her life down to find it. She is quick to repent when she gets sideways and shares her struggles with honest and vulnerable intentions to teach others. She’s consistent to show up for those she loves and relies on the Word to shine through in leading women.

Thank you all for continuing to read this blog and support Disciple making. The Lord has commissioned us all. If you are interested in learning more about making disciples, feel free to email me from the contact page. I know dozens of Disciple Makers that are looking for people that are hungry for the Lord. Be sure to check out the shop for some great shirts.

Grace & Peace

Chorley

Women of Valor

Tag: andi chorley

Marriage: Part 3 Phileo

Marriage Part 2: Storge’

Marriage: Part 1

Filling the Valleys

Empty Chairs

New Year, Same Hope

Stuck in the Changing Room

Praising Through Pain

Taking the mess out of Hot mess

Interviews With Disciple Makers: Kellie Lemen