agápē. to prefer, to love.

I recently went to a funeral for a very kind man. He had served his church for over 15 years. Over the last two weeks I listened to stories from many friends and loved ones. I never got the chance to know him well, but what little I did know, told me that he was an encourager. Meaning that he; 1. Had courage. The kind of courage that only comes from the Lord.  2. He shared his God-given courage with those around him. I believe those two things are a requirement in order to be an encourager. It was not the video, the stories, or even the flag on the casket that made me choke on a lump in my throat. It was his wife.  She is a very kind woman who has always welcomed me with open arms. Before the funeral the family came in to be served lunch. As the meal went on, the immediate family that had been sitting with her would work their way around the room or into the sanctuary to steal a few minutes alone with their patriarch before the service. At one point I saw her sitting alone at the the table that was once filled with her family. It was in that moment that the reality of her situation became heavy enough to drown me. I had the urge to run to her and tell her that I’m sorry she is sitting alone. I’m sorry that she will have to do many things alone now. I am sorry that the person who has always chose her over himself is gone. I’m. Just. Sorry.  However, I know that would have never helped her. It would have only benefited me and my misplaced guilt. So, I sat quietly praying for the Lord to give her courage. For him to hold her up. In her eyes, I saw agape. I saw love even in death.

The verse that I always think about when I consider agape love is John 21: 15-19.

15When they had finished breakfast, Jesus said to Simon Peter, “Simon, son of John, do you love me more than these?” He said to him, “Yes, Lord; you know that I love you.” He said to him, “Feed my lambs.” 16He said to him a second time, “Simon, son of John, do you love me?” He said to him, “Yes, Lord; you know that I love you.” He said to him, “Tend my sheep.” 17He said to him the third time, “Simon, son of John, do you love me?” Peter was grieved because he said to him the third time, “Do you love me?” and he said to him, “Lord, you know everything; you know that I love you.” Jesus said to him, “Feed my sheep. 18Truly, truly, I say to you, when you were young, you used to dress yourself and walk wherever you wanted, but when you are old, you will stretch out your hands, and another will dress you and carry you where you do not want to go.” 19 And after saying this he said to him, “Follow me.”

In this passage we see Peter not in agreeance with Jesus, but rather him admitting that he doesn’t love Jesus as much as he thought he had. Peter once told Jesus that he would lay his life down for him. [Jesus] However, that is not how things played out. Peter did in fact deny Christ as predicted. After the regretful denial, Jesus is asking if Peter prefers Jesus over himself and Peter is honest in his response. Sometimes we fail at walking out our love for our spouse just as Peter failed walking out his love for Christ. (In that moment)

Agape love is a love of service. Bishop Fulton J. Sheen once said, “The night of the last supper the Apostles were quarreling as to who would have the first place at the table among themselves. Our Blessed Lord then got down on his knees, washed their feet and wiped them with a towel. How few there are who ever fight for the towel.” When I say that Agape love is also a service love… think back to the other types of love that we have gone through in the previous posts in the marriage series. Storge’. How do you choose your spouse over yourself in your Storge’ (protective/family love? How do you choose your spouse over yourself in your phileo (friendship) love? Eros. How do you choose your spouse over yourself in your Eros (intimate) love? When you look at these other three loves remember that the desire to choose your spouse over yourself and serve your spouse in these areas is driven by the Agape love. If you don’t have this Agape love for your spouse, it will definitely show up in these other loves; specifically the Storge’ and Eros.

Agape is for better for worse. Agape is in sickness and in health. Agape is till death do us part. Agape pulls it’s weight and sometimes more. Within the sanctity of marriage, Agape intimately desires.

Go back to the original marriage PDF and look at where Agape is located on the marriage square. Ask yourself where you are winning and where you are loosing in the Agape section, in your marriage. Ask yourself where you and your spouse make an active effort to choose each other. As well as where you don’t. Gave yourself a rating 1-10. 10 being good, 1 being “needs MUCH improvement” Don’t only rate your spouse. Rate your marriage as a whole. Write out your reasons. Don’t ever do this as a reason to list your spouse’s short comings! Have you washed you spouses feet? Is your marriage a place where you walk with humility?

I am praying this finds you well and seeking a Godly marriage.

Grace & Peace

Chorley

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